1 00:00:27,228 --> 00:00:30,731 ( rock music playing ) 2 00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:34,268 WOMAN: One, two. One, two, three, four! 3 00:00:38,973 --> 00:00:44,945 ♪ I've been out of the woods For six days and nights now ♪ 4 00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:50,951 ♪ And I'm a little hard-wired But I'm feeling All right now ♪ 5 00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:56,991 ♪ I got some money in my pocket And I won't need a ride Yeah ♪ 6 00:00:56,991 --> 00:01:02,129 ♪ Got a big-jetted car And a baby by my side, yeah ♪ 7 00:01:02,129 --> 00:01:05,833 ♪ Well, I'm a little hard-wired But I'm feeling okay ♪ 8 00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:08,903 ♪ And I got a little lost Out along the way ♪ 9 00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:12,373 ♪ But I'm just Around the corner To the light of day ♪ 10 00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,875 ♪ Yeah ♪ 11 00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:19,480 ♪ I'm just around the corner To the light of day, yeah ♪ 12 00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:26,821 ♪ I'm drivin' 500 miles Got 500 to go, yeah ♪ 13 00:01:26,821 --> 00:01:31,926 ♪ I've got rock 'n' roll music On my radio ♪♪ 14 00:01:31,926 --> 00:01:34,795 Look, Debbie! 15 00:01:34,795 --> 00:01:37,998 Oh, my God, hi! How are you? 16 00:01:37,998 --> 00:01:40,734 We watch your show all the time. Good to see you. 17 00:01:40,734 --> 00:01:45,139 Thank you. Thank you. All right. You have a good day. 18 00:01:45,139 --> 00:01:47,541 ( all screaming ): Bye! 19 00:01:50,911 --> 00:01:54,248 MAN: They say the only luck is the luck you make. 20 00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:57,451 In the winter of '88, I was the luckiest man alive. 21 00:01:57,451 --> 00:02:01,889 I had it all-- fame, fortune and my own parking space... 22 00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:04,024 at Harrisburg's trendiest bistro. 23 00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:07,261 I would have done anything to keep it all. 24 00:02:07,261 --> 00:02:09,463 And, unfortunately, I did. 25 00:02:12,132 --> 00:02:15,236 Jack, how are ya? Good morning, Mr. Richards. 26 00:02:15,236 --> 00:02:17,204 Did you get a haircut? Oh, yes. 27 00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:20,174 Yeah, it looks good. Don't get too good-looking. I'll be out of a job. 28 00:02:20,174 --> 00:02:22,710 ( chuckles ): Oh, how about this winter weather, eh? 29 00:02:22,710 --> 00:02:25,479 Farmer's Almanac sure didn't get it right this year. 30 00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:28,582 "Caterpillar in June, cold winter soon." That's what they said. 31 00:02:28,582 --> 00:02:32,887 Well, amateurs, jack. Hillbilly folklore, that's all it is. 32 00:02:32,887 --> 00:02:35,389 You should write your own almanac, Mr. Richards. 33 00:02:35,389 --> 00:02:37,958 Something people could believe in. 34 00:02:37,958 --> 00:02:40,394 Maybe one day I will, Jack. Maybe one day I will. 35 00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:42,930 Enjoy your breakfast. Good morning. 36 00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:44,932 Wendy, how are you? Just fine. 37 00:02:44,932 --> 00:02:49,103 Yeah. How's the cold? Oh, it's just allergies, I think. 38 00:02:49,103 --> 00:02:51,138 Really? Oh, not allergic to me, are you? 39 00:02:51,138 --> 00:02:55,576 No. ( laughs ) I don't think so. 40 00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:58,479 You're so bad. Guilty as charged. 41 00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:01,315 I'll be right back with your cantaloupe and egg whites. 42 00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:04,118 Okay. You pick me a ripe one. Excuse me, Mr. Richards. 43 00:03:04,118 --> 00:03:05,786 I'm sorry to bother you, but can I get a picture? 44 00:03:05,786 --> 00:03:07,321 Well, sure. It's my son's birthday, 45 00:03:07,321 --> 00:03:08,923 and he saw you walk in. 46 00:03:08,923 --> 00:03:11,559 What's your name, Skipper? Sam. 47 00:03:11,559 --> 00:03:13,928 Sam. Well, you're a big fella, Samarino. 48 00:03:13,928 --> 00:03:15,930 How old are you today? Twenty-seven? 49 00:03:15,930 --> 00:03:17,932 ( chuckles ): I'm five. 50 00:03:17,932 --> 00:03:21,001 Five? Well, how's the wife? 51 00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:24,071 All right. Happy birthday. 52 00:03:24,071 --> 00:03:27,274 Thanks for coming by. All right. Thank you. 53 00:03:27,274 --> 00:03:29,610 Oh, you gotta love it. Wow. 54 00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:32,780 You're Russ Richards, aren't you? 55 00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:35,282 Last time I checked. Well, hello! 56 00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:37,284 Hi. Here. 57 00:03:37,284 --> 00:03:41,655 Let me guess. Mmm. It's a resume of some sort, 58 00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:44,024 and you're looking for a job in broadcasting. 59 00:03:44,024 --> 00:03:46,627 Yeah, just read it. Asshole. 60 00:03:49,296 --> 00:03:51,665 You are Mr. Lucky today. 61 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:54,802 I found you the ripest melon in Harrisburg. 62 00:03:54,802 --> 00:03:58,639 CHIPMUNKS: ♪ Christmas don't be late ♪♪ Fuck! 63 00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:01,842 ANNOUNCER: Live from Harrisburg and News Center Six. 64 00:04:04,078 --> 00:04:07,147 Covering Harrisburg, York, Lancaster and Lebanon, 65 00:04:07,147 --> 00:04:10,184 it's News at Five with Dan Shuff, Heidi Zimmer... 66 00:04:10,184 --> 00:04:13,153 and Russ Richards with the weather. 67 00:04:19,293 --> 00:04:22,463 This is News at Five. 68 00:04:22,463 --> 00:04:26,867 MAN: Good evening. A Perry County teacher is behind bars tonight... 69 00:04:26,867 --> 00:04:31,271 for allegedly locking an unruly student in a broom closet. 70 00:04:31,271 --> 00:04:33,240 That story coming up. 71 00:04:33,240 --> 00:04:35,609 But first, let's check in with the weather center... 72 00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:39,446 to see if these beautiful spring-like temperatures will continue. 73 00:04:39,446 --> 00:04:42,116 Russ? Yes, it's the middle of December, 74 00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:45,219 and we still have more 60-degree weather heading our way. 75 00:04:45,219 --> 00:04:48,088 Now don't panic, folks. You're not in the twilight zone. 76 00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:50,557 ( humming theme from Twilight Zone ) 77 00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:53,594 Now, on the downside, if the weather gets any nicer, 78 00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:56,230 my Aunt Mildred could move back from Ft. Lauderdale. 79 00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:58,165 Just kidding. A wonderful woman. 80 00:04:58,165 --> 00:05:01,468 Anyhoo, I'll be back with a complete forecast a little later. 81 00:05:01,468 --> 00:05:03,137 Take it, Dan. 82 00:05:03,137 --> 00:05:06,473 Thanks, Russ. We'll check in with you later. 83 00:05:07,675 --> 00:05:09,743 MAN: And now the fourth. 84 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,980 WOMAN: Eleven. 85 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:15,582 MAN: And the fifth number, please. 86 00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:17,584 Hi, Russ. WOMAN: Thirty. 87 00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:19,386 Hey, Dottie. How are you? 88 00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:21,388 Oh, still struggling with the diet. Oh, yeah? 89 00:05:21,388 --> 00:05:23,691 Don't get too thin. It's not good for you. 90 00:05:23,691 --> 00:05:25,759 Eight. 91 00:05:27,661 --> 00:05:30,064 MAN: And there you have it. 92 00:05:30,064 --> 00:05:34,568 Tonight's Pennsylvania lottery number: 19, 47, 93 00:05:34,568 --> 00:05:38,972 3, 11, 30, 8. 94 00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:41,308 If you have it, come and get it. 95 00:05:41,308 --> 00:05:44,878 If not, better luck next time. Back to you, Dan. 96 00:05:44,878 --> 00:05:48,115 We gonna talk about this? There's nothing to talk about, cochise. 97 00:05:48,115 --> 00:05:52,319 I told you no more loans. Penn Fed's down the street. This is not-- 98 00:05:52,319 --> 00:05:54,922 This is not-- 99 00:05:54,922 --> 00:05:58,992 This is not a loan, this is an advance. Stop acting like it's coming out of your pocket. 100 00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:01,962 If you didn't piss your money away, you wouldn't need an advance. 101 00:06:01,962 --> 00:06:05,966 Now what is it this week-- racquetball courts? Peewee golf? 102 00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:08,469 Snowmobiles. You know it. I told you that. 103 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:11,271 Jesus Christ. It's exhausting with you. 104 00:06:11,271 --> 00:06:14,308 Snowmobiles. How's business? 105 00:06:14,308 --> 00:06:17,111 When this heat wave ends, I'm golden. 106 00:06:17,111 --> 00:06:20,147 Well, you're the weatherman. End it. ( groans ) 107 00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,782 Where the hell is he? Crystal! 108 00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:24,752 How many times do I have to tell those guys about the cables? 109 00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:28,288 I almost broke my fucking neck on live television! 110 00:06:28,288 --> 00:06:30,090 Yeah. 111 00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:32,626 Oh, sorry. I didn't realize you were in the middle of a meeting. 112 00:06:32,626 --> 00:06:35,996 No, it's okay. It's okay. Calm down. 113 00:06:35,996 --> 00:06:37,698 Calm down. You know-- 114 00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:40,534 Come with me. I have to leave, of course. 115 00:06:40,534 --> 00:06:42,870 I talked to them about this thing. It's never gonna happen again. 116 00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:46,340 All right? Just relax. It's not gonna happen again. 117 00:06:46,340 --> 00:06:49,376 Hi, boss. Hello. How you doing, Bobby? 118 00:06:49,376 --> 00:06:51,378 I can't do the Olive Garden tonight. 119 00:06:51,378 --> 00:06:53,547 ( scoffs ): My wife invited a few people over. 120 00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:56,984 I've gotta eat at home. That's just great, Dick. 121 00:06:56,984 --> 00:06:58,986 No, you know what? I am tired of this bullshit. 122 00:06:58,986 --> 00:07:02,456 Hey, hey, hey. Easy. Come on. 123 00:07:02,456 --> 00:07:04,992 Remember, we got that affiliates thing coming up. 124 00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:06,994 Uh-huh. Six days in Hawaii. 125 00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:10,097 Mm-hmm. Eating like pigs. 126 00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,099 Christ, you got some body on you. 127 00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:14,968 ( giggles ): Tell me something I don't know. 128 00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:21,742 Do we have anything else to talk about? I think we're through here. 129 00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:25,179 Unless you want to torture me about the fucking weather chopper. 130 00:07:25,179 --> 00:07:27,781 Like that was a bad idea. Weather chopper? 131 00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:31,885 Come on, I'm a weatherman. You know what the truth is? 132 00:07:31,885 --> 00:07:33,854 I feel bad for you, Dick. I do. 133 00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:36,657 Because one day you're gonna wake up, and you're gonna realize... 134 00:07:36,657 --> 00:07:40,160 that you had a diamond in the palm of your hand and you let it slip away. 135 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,462 To where, Atlantic city? 136 00:07:42,462 --> 00:07:45,432 Oh, that's what this is about. To be a big game show host. 137 00:07:45,432 --> 00:07:47,868 That's right. I hear everything. 138 00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:51,305 I'm like a satellite in outer space. Did you get your audition? 139 00:07:51,305 --> 00:07:55,642 My agent is all over it. Right. 140 00:07:59,513 --> 00:08:01,648 RUSS: Mace Kornberg, please. 141 00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:04,718 Yes, this is Russ Richards. Mm-hmm. 142 00:08:06,220 --> 00:08:09,122 You know, this is getting a little ridiculous. 143 00:08:09,122 --> 00:08:11,225 I've already left, like, five messages. 144 00:08:11,225 --> 00:08:16,930 All right, your boss, Mace Kornberg, saw me on TV, okay? 145 00:08:16,930 --> 00:08:20,300 He loved me, okay? He wants to represent me. 146 00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:23,170 We-- we sat at my personal booth at Denny's... 147 00:08:23,170 --> 00:08:26,006 for over an hour, and I told him all about myself. 148 00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:30,444 And now for some reason, he's not returning my phone calls. 149 00:08:32,079 --> 00:08:35,949 Well, what part of that was too long? 150 00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:41,555 Well, just-- just tell him that Russ Richards called, okay? Thank you. 151 00:08:42,823 --> 00:08:45,325 ( sighs ) 152 00:08:45,325 --> 00:08:48,161 What's happening? Still not there? 153 00:08:48,161 --> 00:08:50,664 Nah, but, you know, the whole agency is out for the week. 154 00:08:50,664 --> 00:08:53,634 A retreat or something. What's a retreat? 155 00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:57,704 Oh, I'm not sure, but I think it's a religious thing. 156 00:08:57,704 --> 00:09:00,073 Hey, I got some great news for you. Oh, yeah? 157 00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:04,111 Yeah, remember I told you about my brother's car, the one that was in a wreck? 158 00:09:04,111 --> 00:09:07,381 For the sake of expediency, I am going to say yes. 159 00:09:07,381 --> 00:09:09,383 Well, he's finally ready to sell it. 160 00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:12,686 It's all pounded out, repainted, and ready to go. 161 00:09:12,686 --> 00:09:16,156 Beautiful lime-green finish. Looks just like a popsicle. 162 00:09:16,156 --> 00:09:19,026 Now, Larry, is there some reason that I should know this? 163 00:09:19,026 --> 00:09:24,531 Well, just if you decide the Jag is too much of an extravagance, you know. 164 00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:26,566 I'm not selling the Jag. 165 00:09:26,566 --> 00:09:29,369 I'd sell my body parts to South America before I'd sell that Jag. 166 00:09:29,369 --> 00:09:31,238 Okay. You're the boss. 167 00:09:31,238 --> 00:09:34,408 Yeah, I am the boss. And here's another news flash for you. 168 00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:36,610 I'm not losing the house either. 169 00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:39,479 You know what you laymen fail to realize? 170 00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:43,083 It's not about the snowmobiles. Come on. 171 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,885 It's about the weather, okay? 172 00:09:44,885 --> 00:09:47,387 One cold front, a little moist air, and bam! 173 00:09:47,387 --> 00:09:52,092 Yeah, I'm Rockefeller. I'm on Broadway. I'm doing the cha-cha-cha. 174 00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:54,127 Yeah! 175 00:09:54,127 --> 00:09:56,363 ( moaning ): Oh, God! 176 00:09:56,363 --> 00:10:01,501 Oh, whip me forever! Oh! Oh! Oh! 177 00:10:01,501 --> 00:10:04,304 ( both moaning ) 178 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:09,309 ( Russ sighs ) 179 00:10:14,681 --> 00:10:18,952 Boy, whew! That is always such a treat. 180 00:10:18,952 --> 00:10:22,723 Oh, with Dick, it's like having sex with a sloth. 181 00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:25,993 Don't put that image in my head. 182 00:10:27,494 --> 00:10:29,529 Here. Try this just one time. 183 00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:31,298 No. Yeah, it'll help you relax. 184 00:10:31,298 --> 00:10:36,103 No! I don't even want a contact high. It makes me nauseous. 185 00:10:36,103 --> 00:10:39,272 You shouldn't even be smoking it. You're the lotto girl. 186 00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:42,042 You practically work for the state. Put it out. 187 00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,910 Okay, I'm putting it out. 188 00:10:43,910 --> 00:10:46,913 I have a question to ask you. Yeah? 189 00:10:46,913 --> 00:10:50,283 If you had an agent, and you tried to get him for two weeks, 190 00:10:50,283 --> 00:10:53,487 you tried eight times and he didn't return your call, what would you think? 191 00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:56,023 Um-- Huh? 192 00:10:56,023 --> 00:10:58,692 I can't relate. I've never had a guy not call me back. 193 00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:03,130 Oh! I just don't get it. 194 00:11:03,130 --> 00:11:06,099 When I met-- I met this guy, he was-- he was gushing. 195 00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:09,136 He wanted to do this for me, he wanted to do that. 196 00:11:09,136 --> 00:11:12,305 I've had my ass kissed, but this was really special. 197 00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:17,911 So, he is officially your agent, right? It's not like you just had that one meeting. 198 00:11:17,911 --> 00:11:19,980 It's splitting hairs here, you know. 199 00:11:19,980 --> 00:11:22,082 I mean, it was clear he wanted to sign me. 200 00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,284 You know what he said to me? 201 00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:27,320 He said that I delivered the weather forecast with a Shakespearean flair. 202 00:11:27,320 --> 00:11:29,956 ( chuckles ): Was he drunk? 203 00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:33,493 No, he wasn't drunk. What's wrong with you? 204 00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:36,596 Look. If the guy's not returning your calls, then fire his ass. 205 00:11:36,596 --> 00:11:38,965 Just hire someone else. What's the biggie? 206 00:11:38,965 --> 00:11:40,967 Do you know who Mace Kornberg is? Uh-uh. 207 00:11:40,967 --> 00:11:44,438 Do you have any idea of the pedigree of this man? No. 208 00:11:44,438 --> 00:11:46,406 Here's a little primer for you. 209 00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:48,675 He only handled Gene Rayburn at the height of the Match Game. 210 00:11:48,675 --> 00:11:50,610 That's all. 211 00:11:50,610 --> 00:11:52,779 Wow. All right, so he is kind of a big shot. 212 00:11:52,779 --> 00:11:54,948 Yeah, congratulations. You just won the Cutlass. 213 00:11:54,948 --> 00:12:00,187 I wouldn't be caught dead driving a Cutlass, thank you. I'll trade it in. 214 00:12:00,187 --> 00:12:03,256 Well, how about door number two? 215 00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:05,258 Old reliable. 216 00:12:05,258 --> 00:12:07,294 ( giggles ): Wait. 217 00:12:24,244 --> 00:12:27,280 You're in a very small, select group of guys. 218 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:29,282 What is it that makes you successful... 219 00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:32,219 and all the others knocking on the doors not so successful? 220 00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:34,354 Well, I'm not so sure. You know, as I travel around the country, 221 00:12:34,354 --> 00:12:37,524 I see on television, I see guys that would make good game show hosts. 222 00:12:37,524 --> 00:12:39,593 But I don't tell them. 223 00:12:39,593 --> 00:12:45,065 No. I think, to me, the analogy is a game show host is the icing on the cake, 224 00:12:45,065 --> 00:12:47,267 but the format is the cake. 225 00:12:47,267 --> 00:12:49,769 Yeah, format is the cake. To me, Dick Clark, 226 00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:54,274 for all the things he does, is an outstanding game show host. 227 00:12:54,274 --> 00:12:58,378 He stays out of the way. He lets the format work. 228 00:12:58,378 --> 00:13:03,817 And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's your host, Russ Richards! 229 00:13:03,817 --> 00:13:07,687 And now, ladies and gentlemen, it's your host, Russ Richards! 230 00:13:08,755 --> 00:13:11,458 ( TV continues, indistinct ) 231 00:13:11,458 --> 00:13:15,262 So, Russ, it sounds like we can keep those scarves and mittens... 232 00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:17,664 in mothballs a while longer then. 233 00:13:17,664 --> 00:13:19,332 That's what it sounds like, Dan. 234 00:13:19,332 --> 00:13:22,102 And the sleds and snowmobiles can stay in the garage. 235 00:13:22,102 --> 00:13:26,206 That is correct, Heidi. I think we all get the point. 236 00:13:26,206 --> 00:13:29,242 DAN: Thanks, Russ. We'll check in with you later. 237 00:13:36,550 --> 00:13:40,387 ( answering machine beeps ) Hello. You have one message. 238 00:13:40,387 --> 00:13:42,255 ( beep ) 239 00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:47,494 MAN: Uh, yes. This message is for Rob Richards. 240 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:50,797 This is Sandy from the Gabler-Kornberg agency. 241 00:13:50,797 --> 00:13:54,568 I'm sorry no one got back to you sooner, but we were away on a retreat. 242 00:13:54,568 --> 00:13:56,102 Apology accepted, Sandy. 243 00:13:56,102 --> 00:13:57,704 Anyway, I just wanted to let you know... 244 00:13:57,704 --> 00:13:59,639 that Mr. Kornberg is dead. 245 00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:01,841 He passed away around eight months ago. 246 00:14:01,841 --> 00:14:04,644 Oh! I'm sure had he not, he would've returned your call. 247 00:14:04,644 --> 00:14:06,746 Oh, jeez! For what it's worth, he went quickly. 248 00:14:06,746 --> 00:14:08,848 Yeah. Yep. Bye-bye. 249 00:14:08,848 --> 00:14:11,551 ( beep ) That was your last message. 250 00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:14,821 ( sighs ): Yep, that was my last message. 251 00:14:26,099 --> 00:14:28,969 ( rock music playing ) 252 00:14:33,506 --> 00:14:36,343 Russ, let me get this straight. You don't drink. 253 00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:40,680 You don't do coke. You're not a pussy hound. 254 00:14:40,680 --> 00:14:43,516 Well, what the fuck did you blow your money on? 255 00:14:43,516 --> 00:14:45,518 It just-- It just went, okay? 256 00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:48,888 Does it matter? What was that? 257 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,890 That's Carla, the human cannon. 258 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:54,060 Oh, she's good. She's Dutch. 259 00:14:54,060 --> 00:14:57,631 Russ, we go way back. Right. 260 00:14:57,631 --> 00:15:02,135 And I like you. I do. I'm a fan. But 25 grand. 261 00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:05,005 I just don't think I can lay my hands on that kind of money. 262 00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:07,073 Oh. Especially now. 263 00:15:07,073 --> 00:15:10,910 I'm going through a very messy divorce. 264 00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,912 I'm sure you understand. Sure. 265 00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:15,181 I do now. 266 00:15:15,181 --> 00:15:18,852 Okay. Take care, Gig. Thanks a lot. Take care. 267 00:15:18,852 --> 00:15:22,922 Hypothetically speaking though, it's not like you're a man without options. 268 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:24,991 What do you mean? 269 00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:27,560 Well, you do have options. 270 00:15:27,560 --> 00:15:31,531 What are they? Come. Speak up. Hello? 271 00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:33,833 Take your glasses off. 272 00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:37,737 ( hums ) Well, what is that? 273 00:15:37,737 --> 00:15:41,841 Russ, I assume you have insurance on your dealership. 274 00:15:41,841 --> 00:15:43,977 Yeah, so? 275 00:15:43,977 --> 00:15:46,880 Don't you think now would be the appropriate time to, you know, 276 00:15:46,880 --> 00:15:50,283 make a few claims on, you know, some of those premiums? 277 00:15:51,217 --> 00:15:53,853 Oh, God. Oh, jeez! 278 00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:55,655 Are you talking about arson? 279 00:15:55,655 --> 00:15:58,558 The last thing you want to get involved with, mate, is arson. 280 00:15:58,558 --> 00:16:00,894 Well, that's right. Yes, of course not. 281 00:16:00,894 --> 00:16:04,364 No, the way to beat an insurance company these days is with a phony robbery. 282 00:16:04,364 --> 00:16:06,766 Oh, God. ( scoffs ) 283 00:16:09,336 --> 00:16:14,040 You are veering in that direction. That makes me very uncomfortable, Gig. 284 00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:17,711 First of-- look. If I weren't, okay, the president of the Rotary, 285 00:16:17,711 --> 00:16:20,146 the vice president of the Sunshiny Day Club... 286 00:16:20,146 --> 00:16:22,182 and I'm a Big Brother, Gig. 287 00:16:22,182 --> 00:16:24,951 Russ, it's your money. 288 00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,853 ( sighs ) 289 00:16:26,853 --> 00:16:31,925 The insurance company is earning interest off it. 290 00:16:31,925 --> 00:16:35,929 I mean, the whole "man of the people," nice guy thing, 291 00:16:35,929 --> 00:16:40,200 it's very quaint, but don't you think it's time to put a cap on it, hmm? 292 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:43,470 ( exhales ) 293 00:16:43,470 --> 00:16:45,905 Well, how would it work? 294 00:16:45,905 --> 00:16:48,475 You know, like, you know, hypothetically speaking. 295 00:16:48,475 --> 00:16:51,244 How would, you know, how would it go down? 296 00:16:51,244 --> 00:16:54,581 Well, it's nothing. No? 297 00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:57,684 If I were to put it in medical terms... 298 00:16:57,684 --> 00:17:00,820 where you would equate brain surgery with a bank robbery, 299 00:17:00,820 --> 00:17:03,022 this would be like a visit to the podiatrist. 300 00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,959 Hmm. And it just so happens... 301 00:17:05,959 --> 00:17:08,795 I have an acquaintance named Dale who is a specialist in this sort of thing. 302 00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:12,599 It's a very simple procedure, Russ. 303 00:17:12,599 --> 00:17:16,302 The whole thing would take... 40 minutes. 304 00:17:16,302 --> 00:17:18,905 Forty? Wow. 305 00:17:18,905 --> 00:17:22,075 Forty minutes, tops. 306 00:17:22,075 --> 00:17:25,745 Dale arrives at your dealership on a prearranged night with his crew. 307 00:17:25,745 --> 00:17:30,083 MAN: ♪ It's so easy to blow up Your problems ♪♪ 308 00:17:30,083 --> 00:17:33,420 ( music continues ) Finds his way inside. 309 00:17:33,420 --> 00:17:38,091 Leaves the telltale signs of a break-in... 310 00:17:38,091 --> 00:17:40,093 and gains entrance. 311 00:17:40,093 --> 00:17:44,898 Then it's just a simple matter of getting the sleds out the back door. 312 00:17:44,898 --> 00:17:50,670 I mean, the actual extraction process is the easiest bit. 313 00:17:50,670 --> 00:17:53,907 And, uh, that's that. 314 00:17:53,907 --> 00:17:59,279 All that's left is between you and your insurance company. 315 00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:06,519 End of story. Easy as pie. 316 00:18:06,519 --> 00:18:11,090 I, of course, would command you know, the standard 20% consultation fee. 317 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:14,227 I figured that. You know, it's up to you, Russ. 318 00:18:14,227 --> 00:18:16,863 I mean, only you know if you're ready for something like this. 319 00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:20,834 That visit to the podiatrist. 320 00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:24,904 Well, it's like removing a bunion or something. 321 00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:27,006 An ingrown toenail, at the very most. 322 00:18:27,006 --> 00:18:31,344 Funny. Okay. Okay. Well, make the call then. 323 00:18:31,344 --> 00:18:33,746 Good choice. 324 00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:37,784 ♪ I was in the right place But it must have been The wrong time ♪ 325 00:18:37,784 --> 00:18:43,223 ♪ I was saying the right things But I must have used The wrong line ♪ 326 00:18:43,223 --> 00:18:47,160 ♪ I was on the right trip ♪ All right. 327 00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,028 Let's do this cocksucker. 328 00:18:49,028 --> 00:18:52,932 ( music continues ) All right. Let's do it. 329 00:18:52,932 --> 00:18:58,104 ♪ I've been runnin', tryin' To get hung up in my mind ♪ 330 00:18:58,104 --> 00:19:01,708 This is so cool. You can just come in here anytime you want. 331 00:19:01,708 --> 00:19:04,878 Yeah, I got the keys, don't I? 332 00:19:04,878 --> 00:19:08,047 All right. This one's for Charlie Hustle, okay? 333 00:19:08,047 --> 00:19:10,850 The pricks wanna keep him out of Cooperstown? 334 00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:14,654 ♪ I was in the wrong place But it must have been The right time ♪ 335 00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:16,489 Home run. ♪ I was in the right place ♪ 336 00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:20,226 It's happening right this second. Send a squad car now! 337 00:19:20,226 --> 00:19:25,899 ♪ I was in the right world But it seemed like a wrong Wrong, wrong, wrong ♪♪ 338 00:19:25,899 --> 00:19:28,568 ( sirens wailing ) Come on. Move it! 339 00:19:28,568 --> 00:19:32,672 Let me just ask you one question, your honor. Where's my bat? 340 00:19:32,672 --> 00:19:36,042 Don't worry about your bat, asshole. 341 00:19:36,042 --> 00:19:38,711 ( phone ringing ) 342 00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:43,616 ( ring ) 343 00:19:43,616 --> 00:19:46,019 Yeah? I'm gonna break your fuckin' face, man. 344 00:19:46,019 --> 00:19:48,354 What? You better have a bag of money down here... 345 00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:51,257 the split fuckin' second they set bail, or I'm going to tell them who hired me. 346 00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:54,994 Who is this? I also want an extra ten grand for pain and suffering. 347 00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:57,664 Are we clear, weatherman? No, we're not clear. 348 00:19:57,664 --> 00:19:59,699 We're the furthest thing from clear. 349 00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,734 I don't even know who you are. 350 00:20:01,734 --> 00:20:03,570 Look. A second ago I was asleep. 351 00:20:03,570 --> 00:20:06,706 And two seconds ago, I was in a blueberry field with my mother, 352 00:20:06,706 --> 00:20:08,508 and we were getting along really well. 353 00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:11,010 Save that bullshit for your psychiatrist. I want my ten grand. 354 00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:12,979 Stop it! Stop saying that! 355 00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:15,014 I don't have ten grand to give you. Oh, no? 356 00:20:15,014 --> 00:20:17,417 You'd better sell something or kill someone. I don't care! 357 00:20:17,417 --> 00:20:19,419 You just get me my fucking money! 358 00:20:19,419 --> 00:20:21,287 What-- ( dial tone ) 359 00:20:23,089 --> 00:20:24,958 ( sighs ) 360 00:20:44,844 --> 00:20:48,948 Okay, Russ. It's gonna be a better day. 361 00:20:48,948 --> 00:20:51,718 WOMAN: Russ Richards! Hi! How are you? 362 00:20:51,718 --> 00:20:53,786 Merry Christmas. 363 00:20:55,021 --> 00:20:56,889 Okay. Mmm. 364 00:21:01,127 --> 00:21:03,596 Scoop-a-doop, Russ, love. What are you doing here? 365 00:21:03,596 --> 00:21:05,398 Problem. What? 366 00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:07,800 Dale the thug's getting a bit pissy about his ten grand. 367 00:21:07,800 --> 00:21:09,535 Dale the thug? Dale the thug? 368 00:21:09,535 --> 00:21:12,472 That's his nickname? When did that happen? Yeah. 369 00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:15,575 Oh, that's childhood issues. Trust me, you don't wanna know. 370 00:21:15,575 --> 00:21:19,145 He was fine for a day or two, but now he's had time to stew, you see? 371 00:21:19,145 --> 00:21:22,281 Good morning. What can I get you? 372 00:21:22,281 --> 00:21:25,618 Can I have coffee? But with whole milk. Okay. 373 00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:27,754 And do you have those little apple pastries? Wendy. 374 00:21:27,754 --> 00:21:30,590 The apple pastries with the cinnamon swirls. He's not staying. 375 00:21:30,590 --> 00:21:33,259 He's leaving, okay? Okay. 376 00:21:33,259 --> 00:21:35,528 Okay. All right. Thanks for asking. 377 00:21:35,528 --> 00:21:37,397 ( giggling ) 378 00:21:37,397 --> 00:21:39,999 I cannot be seen with you. I am a public figure. 379 00:21:39,999 --> 00:21:43,102 Russ, you don't return my calls. I'm doing you the favor. 380 00:21:43,102 --> 00:21:46,973 And if there's a Dale the thug issue on the table, time tends to be of the essence. 381 00:21:46,973 --> 00:21:51,978 Gig, I'm tapped out. All the money I got for the Jag, I barely covered his bail. 382 00:21:51,978 --> 00:21:54,447 I am not having this conversation here with you. 383 00:21:54,447 --> 00:21:56,649 Th-there's an omelette named after me, for God's sake! 384 00:21:56,649 --> 00:21:57,884 What's in it? You leave that alone! 385 00:21:57,884 --> 00:21:59,252 You leave and just go! 386 00:21:59,252 --> 00:22:01,220 Really? Really. I'll follow you. Yes! 387 00:22:03,423 --> 00:22:05,158 Hmm. Well, I'll-- 388 00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:07,694 Um, Russ, I'll just be outside then? 389 00:22:07,694 --> 00:22:11,998 Oh, God! Right? 390 00:22:11,998 --> 00:22:13,733 Let's go. On top of everything else, 391 00:22:13,733 --> 00:22:15,902 they've impounded his baseball bat as evidence. 392 00:22:15,902 --> 00:22:19,172 He bought it at an auction. Pete Rose hit with it or some shit like that. 393 00:22:19,172 --> 00:22:21,307 He shouldn't have used it then. Christ, even a plumber knows... 394 00:22:21,307 --> 00:22:23,443 to take his ring off before he snakes the drain. 395 00:22:23,443 --> 00:22:24,944 Well, you screwed up, he got pinched. 396 00:22:24,944 --> 00:22:26,612 I-I did not screw up! 397 00:22:26,612 --> 00:22:29,115 I can't control the sexual appetite of my employee. 398 00:22:29,115 --> 00:22:32,385 I mean, either way, you're gonna have to pay for it. 399 00:22:34,987 --> 00:22:38,725 You know, why don't you just do this? Take-- Just-- Just get it over with. 400 00:22:38,725 --> 00:22:41,094 Why don't you just set up an appointment at his convenience... 401 00:22:41,094 --> 00:22:44,464 to come break my legs or kick me in the nuts, or whatever he does? 402 00:22:44,464 --> 00:22:46,699 Well, you know what? I very much doubt it'll be the latter. 403 00:22:46,699 --> 00:22:50,369 That's practically how he treats his friends. 404 00:22:50,369 --> 00:22:52,505 You know, Russ, I've been thinking about your situation, 405 00:22:52,505 --> 00:22:54,440 and it occurs to me that sometimes in life... 406 00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:58,845 the greatest opportunities are sitting right under your nose. 407 00:22:58,845 --> 00:23:02,749 The only thing under my nose is this place mat with the presidents up to Carter. 408 00:23:02,749 --> 00:23:05,084 Am I missing something? The lottery. 409 00:23:05,084 --> 00:23:07,186 Oh, that is so stupid! 410 00:23:07,186 --> 00:23:10,957 You think that my playing the lottery is going to solve all my problems? 411 00:23:10,957 --> 00:23:14,627 Not playing the lottery, winning the lottery. 412 00:23:14,627 --> 00:23:17,697 You got that lotto ball machine down at the station, right? 413 00:23:17,697 --> 00:23:21,067 All I'm saying is a little razzle-dazzle, you're set for life. 414 00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:25,071 Gig, I just came off a botched phony robbery. 415 00:23:25,071 --> 00:23:28,441 Let me bask in that for a while before I start thinking about tampering... 416 00:23:28,441 --> 00:23:31,110 with the fucking state lottery! 417 00:23:31,110 --> 00:23:33,012 I'm not talking out of my ass here. 418 00:23:33,012 --> 00:23:35,348 I do have experience with this sort of thing. Really. 419 00:23:35,348 --> 00:23:37,350 Yeah. About ten years ago, Great. 420 00:23:37,350 --> 00:23:40,153 before I washed up on these golden shores, 421 00:23:40,153 --> 00:23:42,421 I rigged a bingo game in my local church hall. 422 00:23:42,421 --> 00:23:43,956 Church hall, huh? 423 00:23:43,956 --> 00:23:47,460 Weighed down a few ping-pong balls, Bob's your uncle! 424 00:23:47,460 --> 00:23:49,495 I walked away with a fucking lawn mower. 425 00:23:49,495 --> 00:23:52,431 Oh, a lawn mower. Wow. This is not War and Peace, 426 00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:55,034 merely the concept of gravity. 427 00:23:55,034 --> 00:23:57,503 No, no, the concept of gravity... 428 00:23:57,503 --> 00:24:00,540 is when you fall down and you break your head open. 429 00:24:00,540 --> 00:24:03,042 Well, your glass is obviously half empty. 430 00:24:03,042 --> 00:24:05,845 No, Gig, my glass is totally empty. 431 00:24:05,845 --> 00:24:07,380 Watch it! Hate you! 432 00:24:07,380 --> 00:24:09,315 Calm down! Bastard! 433 00:24:09,315 --> 00:24:11,083 Calm down. You're acting like a child. 434 00:24:11,083 --> 00:24:12,385 You're acting like a child. 435 00:24:12,385 --> 00:24:14,654 Stop! Calm down, please. You promised! 436 00:24:14,654 --> 00:24:17,390 What do you want me to do? What's going on? 437 00:24:17,390 --> 00:24:19,292 Everything's fine. Thank you. 438 00:24:19,292 --> 00:24:21,928 She told me she wanted to go. What do you want me to say? "I'm sorry, 439 00:24:21,928 --> 00:24:24,230 I'm banging the lotto ball girl, and I promised her first." 440 00:24:24,230 --> 00:24:27,834 I don't believe this 'cause I bought sandals in December for no reason! 441 00:24:27,834 --> 00:24:31,537 Well, I'll take you the next time. In June, I have a conference in Seattle. 442 00:24:31,537 --> 00:24:33,739 Take your wife to fucking Seattle, all right? 443 00:24:33,739 --> 00:24:36,175 I wanted to go to Maui, you asshole! 444 00:24:36,175 --> 00:24:38,845 Oh, I'm an asshole. Am I the same asshole... 445 00:24:38,845 --> 00:24:41,247 that takes you out to dinner and buys you fancy European underwear? 446 00:24:41,247 --> 00:24:43,416 Try to get that from the weatherman, 447 00:24:43,416 --> 00:24:45,852 who I notice you've been awfully chatty with these days. 448 00:24:45,852 --> 00:24:48,788 Blow me. 449 00:24:48,788 --> 00:24:50,890 Is everything okay? Yes, everything's fine! 450 00:24:50,890 --> 00:24:54,727 MAN: ♪ I'm dreamin' of a white ♪ 451 00:24:56,329 --> 00:24:58,731 ♪ Christmas ♪ 452 00:24:59,899 --> 00:25:02,835 ♪ Just like the ones ♪ 453 00:25:02,835 --> 00:25:04,704 ♪ I used to know ♪ 454 00:25:06,372 --> 00:25:11,310 ♪ Where the treetops glisten ♪ 455 00:25:11,310 --> 00:25:15,781 ♪ And children listen ♪ 456 00:25:15,781 --> 00:25:21,821 ♪ To hear sleigh bells In the snow ♪ 457 00:25:24,290 --> 00:25:27,326 ♪ Oh, I'm ♪ 458 00:25:27,326 --> 00:25:30,563 ♪ Dreamin' of a white ♪♪ 459 00:25:30,563 --> 00:25:33,032 ( music fades ) I have to ask you something. 460 00:25:33,032 --> 00:25:36,569 What? Oh, God. Oh, God. 461 00:25:36,569 --> 00:25:38,771 I don't know how to ask you this. ( exhales ) 462 00:25:38,771 --> 00:25:41,974 Just ask. I wouldn't blame you if you said no. 463 00:25:41,974 --> 00:25:45,344 As a matter of fact, I already expect you to say no. 464 00:25:45,344 --> 00:25:48,781 But I need your help on something. 465 00:25:48,781 --> 00:25:52,251 ( screams ): We're gonna be millionaires! I can't believe this! 466 00:25:52,251 --> 00:25:55,755 I have to admit, I thought it would be a slightly harder sell. 467 00:26:01,694 --> 00:26:03,829 All right, most important thing... 468 00:26:03,829 --> 00:26:07,133 is getting alone with that machine... 469 00:26:07,133 --> 00:26:09,602 five minutes before and five minutes after the broadcast. 470 00:26:09,602 --> 00:26:12,305 That's key. Absolutely. That's as key as it gets. 471 00:26:12,305 --> 00:26:15,875 Five minutes before, five minutes after. Did you hear that, Crystal? 472 00:26:15,875 --> 00:26:18,277 I'm two inches away. How could I not hear it? 473 00:26:18,277 --> 00:26:21,347 You better start taking notes, 'cause when Gig and I start hashing it out, 474 00:26:21,347 --> 00:26:24,984 there's gonna be lot of gold flying around here, and I don't want to miss any of it. 475 00:26:24,984 --> 00:26:27,954 Okay? N-Now the first piece of gold is this. Yeah. 476 00:26:27,954 --> 00:26:30,222 I think someone should call in a bomb scare. 477 00:26:30,222 --> 00:26:34,927 Then the building gets evacuated, and I'm alone with the lotto balls. 478 00:26:34,927 --> 00:26:37,129 Okay? Are you writing this down? 479 00:26:37,129 --> 00:26:40,599 When we decide, I will write it down. It's good, right? 480 00:26:40,599 --> 00:26:44,303 Russ, um, forgive me. Just a second. 481 00:26:44,303 --> 00:26:48,374 You call in a bomb scare, they evacuate the building, Mm-hmm. 482 00:26:48,374 --> 00:26:50,476 and shut down the broadcast. 483 00:26:50,476 --> 00:26:52,411 Right, and then the firemen will come... 484 00:26:52,411 --> 00:26:56,782 and then the policemen will come, so kind of a lame idea, you know? 485 00:26:56,782 --> 00:27:00,586 All right. Jeez. It's just an idea. 486 00:27:00,586 --> 00:27:02,655 It's a work in progress, for God's sake. 487 00:27:02,655 --> 00:27:06,993 Even a painter's got to take the brushes and clean 'em. 488 00:27:06,993 --> 00:27:08,227 Whatever that means. 489 00:27:08,227 --> 00:27:10,930 You have any better ideas, Miss Smarty-pants? 490 00:27:10,930 --> 00:27:15,301 Why can't I just distract Bobby somehow, the security guy? 491 00:27:15,301 --> 00:27:17,336 And then you switch the balls. 492 00:27:17,336 --> 00:27:18,571 No, uh, lame. That's lame. What? 493 00:27:18,571 --> 00:27:20,439 No, that's brilliant. 494 00:27:20,439 --> 00:27:21,640 Yeah? No, really, it's so simple, 495 00:27:21,640 --> 00:27:23,075 it's brilliant. 496 00:27:23,075 --> 00:27:26,345 In its simplicity, Russ. Simplicity. That's-- 497 00:27:26,345 --> 00:27:28,347 And movin' on. Okay, movin' on. 498 00:27:28,347 --> 00:27:30,616 Movin' on, I guess. 499 00:27:30,616 --> 00:27:32,451 Okay, next most important thing, right? 500 00:27:32,451 --> 00:27:33,819 Uh-huh. 501 00:27:35,554 --> 00:27:38,424 We need to find your beard? 502 00:27:38,424 --> 00:27:40,326 What the hell's a "beard"? 503 00:27:40,326 --> 00:27:43,329 You need someone to buy the ticket and claim the winnings. 504 00:27:43,329 --> 00:27:48,000 But it has to be someone that you absolutely trust. 505 00:27:48,000 --> 00:27:52,371 One beard. Check. Time out, folks! 506 00:27:52,371 --> 00:27:54,673 There's not a person I would trust to do this thing. 507 00:27:54,673 --> 00:27:56,876 Not a single person. 508 00:27:56,876 --> 00:28:01,380 Ah! Oh, God! Oh, God. Okay. All right. 509 00:28:01,380 --> 00:28:03,849 I buy the ticket in disguise. 510 00:28:03,849 --> 00:28:06,719 Okay? And this eliminates all the outsiders. 511 00:28:06,719 --> 00:28:08,888 That's the answer. That's it. Okay? 512 00:28:08,888 --> 00:28:10,990 Yeah, yeah. Now we're cooking with gas, huh? 513 00:28:12,691 --> 00:28:14,727 I mean, how would you disguise yourself? 514 00:28:14,727 --> 00:28:16,962 What, as Charlie Chaplin? As the tramp or something? 515 00:28:16,962 --> 00:28:19,732 ( laughing ): Yeah, or no, like, from the Wizard of Oz. 516 00:28:19,732 --> 00:28:22,068 The straw guy. The Straw Man. 517 00:28:22,068 --> 00:28:24,503 Yeah, he could put hay in his clothes and wear a hat. 518 00:28:24,503 --> 00:28:27,006 With a pom-pom on it? With a-- No one will know it's him. 519 00:28:27,006 --> 00:28:28,974 Ooh, it's clever. Nobody would ever know! 520 00:28:28,974 --> 00:28:33,212 No! Russ. It's the Scarecrow from the Wizard of Oz. 521 00:28:33,212 --> 00:28:35,981 Oh, okay. It's Dorothy, i-it's the Cowardly Lion, 522 00:28:35,981 --> 00:28:39,418 it's the Tin Man, it's the dog, it's the flying monkeys... 523 00:28:39,418 --> 00:28:41,087 and it's the Scarecrow. 524 00:28:41,087 --> 00:28:43,622 If you're gonna make fun of me, get your facts straight. 525 00:28:43,622 --> 00:28:47,793 Well, my apologies, sir. I am not the, uh, cartoon aficionada that you are. 526 00:28:47,793 --> 00:28:49,795 It's not a cartoon, Crystal. So what? 527 00:28:49,795 --> 00:28:51,797 It's a movie. Who gives a shit? 528 00:28:51,797 --> 00:28:53,499 Children-- excuse me. ( arguing ) 529 00:28:53,499 --> 00:28:55,835 It's a movie! For God's sake. Calm down. Calm down. 530 00:28:55,835 --> 00:28:58,270 Calm-- Calm down. Sorry. 531 00:28:58,270 --> 00:29:02,475 Please? All right. Okay. Back to square one. 532 00:29:02,475 --> 00:29:04,577 ( chuckles ): Let's go. 533 00:29:08,581 --> 00:29:11,350 Hey, I know. My Cousin Walter could do it. 534 00:29:13,219 --> 00:29:15,287 Who? From Ohio. 535 00:29:15,287 --> 00:29:18,691 He would be the perfect beard. He's this totally straight guy. 536 00:29:18,691 --> 00:29:21,494 He doesn't even drink, and besides, he has a crush on me. 537 00:29:21,494 --> 00:29:24,964 ♪ The minute You walked in the joint ♪ 538 00:29:24,964 --> 00:29:28,601 ♪ I could see you were A man of distinction ♪ 539 00:29:28,601 --> 00:29:31,337 ♪ A real big spender ♪ 540 00:29:31,337 --> 00:29:34,940 ♪ Good-lookin', so refined ♪ Oh. Walter. 541 00:29:34,940 --> 00:29:38,244 ♪ Say wouldn't you like to know What's goin' on in my mind ♪ You look great. 542 00:29:38,244 --> 00:29:40,479 I got you these balloons. We should go. Thank you. 543 00:29:40,479 --> 00:29:42,481 ♪ So let me get Right to the point ♪ 544 00:29:42,481 --> 00:29:44,483 I got you a room at a lovely country inn. 545 00:29:44,483 --> 00:29:47,086 ♪ I don't pop my cork For every guy I see ♪ 546 00:29:48,020 --> 00:29:50,256 ♪ Hey, big spender ♪ 547 00:29:52,324 --> 00:29:56,428 ♪ Spend a little time With me ♪♪ 548 00:29:56,428 --> 00:30:00,399 Oh. It's so green and lush. RUSS: Oh! Look at this room. 549 00:30:00,399 --> 00:30:02,434 RUSS: Oh, this is so great. 550 00:30:02,434 --> 00:30:04,370 Look at this TV, a closet. God, look at the painting 551 00:30:04,370 --> 00:30:06,639 with the Three Mile Island thing. 552 00:30:06,639 --> 00:30:10,476 Oh, and this clock with a little light. It's so-- It's so modern-day. 553 00:30:10,476 --> 00:30:13,212 CRYSTAL: Oh, shower curtain. Oh, Walter, look at this. 554 00:30:13,212 --> 00:30:16,315 All-you-can-eat buffet. Oh. Right up the block! Oh. 555 00:30:16,315 --> 00:30:18,450 ( wheezing, coughing ) And towels. They're all prepared for you. 556 00:30:18,450 --> 00:30:22,421 How comfy. What do you think? Yeah, what do you think? 557 00:30:22,421 --> 00:30:25,491 ( gasps ): Mold spores. What? Huh? 558 00:30:25,491 --> 00:30:29,061 This room has a high content of mold spores. 559 00:30:29,061 --> 00:30:31,564 My throat's closin' up. Oh, jeez. 560 00:30:31,564 --> 00:30:32,765 ( gasping, wheezing ) Oh. 561 00:30:32,765 --> 00:30:38,771 ( wheezing continues ) 562 00:30:38,771 --> 00:30:40,673 Are you-- Are you all right, Walter? 563 00:30:40,673 --> 00:30:43,175 ( wheezing ) 564 00:30:43,175 --> 00:30:44,977 Mm. Tsk. 565 00:30:44,977 --> 00:30:47,012 ( exhaling, gurgling ) 566 00:30:47,012 --> 00:30:51,450 ( wheezing ) 567 00:30:51,450 --> 00:30:53,452 Oh, jeez. 568 00:30:53,452 --> 00:30:55,354 All clear. All right! Hey, thank god 569 00:30:55,354 --> 00:30:56,655 for modern medicine. 570 00:30:56,655 --> 00:30:58,724 Yeah. Hey, Walter, test the bed. 571 00:30:58,724 --> 00:31:01,660 It's a combination of the heat and moisture. That's what does it. 572 00:31:01,660 --> 00:31:07,032 Oh, yeah? Yeah. Is it always this sticky in Harrisburg in the winter? 573 00:31:07,032 --> 00:31:09,468 Well, you know, it's-- it's a fluke, of course, 574 00:31:09,468 --> 00:31:11,704 but it's not entirely uncommon, no. 575 00:31:11,704 --> 00:31:14,006 Uh-uh. W-why's that? 576 00:31:14,006 --> 00:31:18,177 Well, okay, well, historically weather has been you know, unpredictable. 577 00:31:18,177 --> 00:31:21,513 Yeah, well, w-why's that? Why? 578 00:31:21,513 --> 00:31:24,183 ( sniffling ) Well-- well, okay, you got... 579 00:31:24,183 --> 00:31:26,385 your, uh-- you got your cold fronts and you got... 580 00:31:26,385 --> 00:31:30,089 your warm fronts, and then you're talkin', uh, barometric pressure. 581 00:31:30,089 --> 00:31:33,826 Well, without my gauges, I-I-- I love hotels. 582 00:31:33,826 --> 00:31:36,228 Walter? Walter? Hey! Walter. 583 00:31:36,228 --> 00:31:38,631 Yeah? Are you clear on what we're doin' here? 584 00:31:38,631 --> 00:31:41,834 How long will it be be-before I get my money? 585 00:31:41,834 --> 00:31:43,769 Oh, well-- Oh. Yeah, no. 586 00:31:43,769 --> 00:31:45,671 Um, it's real simple, honey. 587 00:31:45,671 --> 00:31:48,007 When we get our first payment, you just take your 20,000 588 00:31:48,007 --> 00:31:49,742 right away. Right. 589 00:31:49,742 --> 00:31:51,877 That's yours. Right. Tax-free. 590 00:31:51,877 --> 00:31:54,613 ( chuckling ): We want you to be happy, Walter. Oh. 591 00:31:54,613 --> 00:31:56,682 Well, I could-- I could really use the money, 592 00:31:56,682 --> 00:31:59,518 'cause m-m-my church needs a new furnace. ( chuckles ) 593 00:31:59,518 --> 00:32:03,689 Oh, well, that is so refreshing. Yeah. 594 00:32:03,689 --> 00:32:06,592 And I'm gonna use the rest to open an adult bookstore. 595 00:32:06,592 --> 00:32:09,061 Ah. Well, okay. Well, that's good. That's good too. 596 00:32:09,061 --> 00:32:12,731 Yeah. Do you masturbate, Russ? 597 00:32:12,731 --> 00:32:17,736 ( nervous chuckling ): Jeez. I've been so busy lately, I barely polish my shoes. 598 00:32:17,736 --> 00:32:19,738 'Cause I masturbate all the time. Oh, yeah? 599 00:32:19,738 --> 00:32:21,907 Yeah. Some people think it's a sin, 600 00:32:21,907 --> 00:32:25,844 but I think god gave us the ability to masturbate to protect us from sin. 601 00:32:25,844 --> 00:32:29,381 Oh. Oh, okay. Yeah. I could-- I could see that. 602 00:32:29,381 --> 00:32:33,185 Sure. Why not? I like sex. 603 00:32:33,185 --> 00:32:35,654 There's a lot of sex in the Bible. Mm-hmm. 604 00:32:35,654 --> 00:32:38,257 I'm sure there's a Bible here somewhere. Yeah. 605 00:32:38,257 --> 00:32:40,392 Yeah, sure. S-So, we-- 606 00:32:40,392 --> 00:32:43,162 We're a team, right? Yeah, yeah, a team! 607 00:32:43,162 --> 00:32:45,164 Yeah? ( chuckling ): Team. 608 00:32:45,164 --> 00:32:47,132 ( chuckling ) Ooh. 609 00:32:47,132 --> 00:32:49,535 Yeah? Yeah? 610 00:32:52,838 --> 00:32:55,274 Oh, I've got one. Let me pick. No, no, no, no, no! 611 00:32:55,274 --> 00:32:57,142 Please, let me finish. Okay, 16. I wanna pick one. 612 00:32:57,142 --> 00:33:00,412 Sixteen, okay? That's how old I was when I first got laid. 613 00:33:00,412 --> 00:33:02,581 Really? Yeah. Okay. 614 00:33:02,581 --> 00:33:05,250 Twenty-five. Okay, twenty-five. My mother's birthday. 615 00:33:05,250 --> 00:33:08,454 January 25, 1912. All right. No, no. This-- 616 00:33:08,454 --> 00:33:10,789 No, the 25th was my anniversary, 617 00:33:10,789 --> 00:33:12,558 and I got divorced, and I got screwed in that. 618 00:33:12,558 --> 00:33:14,960 I didn't get a good settlement. Seventy. 619 00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:18,731 I had a '70 Camaro, and I got in that bad car accident and got a huge settlement. 620 00:33:18,731 --> 00:33:21,567 Oh, yeah. Famous whiplash. Okay. Remember? That's right. 621 00:33:21,567 --> 00:33:25,204 Um, I got some randomly selected numbers, okay? 622 00:33:25,204 --> 00:33:27,005 WALTER: These are like completely random. 623 00:33:27,005 --> 00:33:30,309 Okay? Flick it like that. Make sure air gets-- 624 00:33:30,309 --> 00:33:33,879 Twenty-two, seventy. 625 00:33:35,814 --> 00:33:40,586 Puncture. Then you inject a little paint into the ball. 626 00:33:40,586 --> 00:33:45,257 You know, weigh 'em down. Sixteen. 627 00:33:45,257 --> 00:33:48,093 Then we put a little glue over the hole. 628 00:33:48,093 --> 00:33:50,662 Nine. RUSS: Isn't this fun? 629 00:33:50,662 --> 00:33:53,966 Twenty-seven. RUSS: It's like summer camp. 630 00:33:53,966 --> 00:33:56,435 It's like arts and crafts. 631 00:33:56,435 --> 00:33:59,905 Seven. RUSS: The six we don't inject. 632 00:33:59,905 --> 00:34:02,307 Those are gonna rise to the top. It's my birthday. 633 00:34:02,307 --> 00:34:05,978 Get it? Okay. Those are the winning numbers. 634 00:34:05,978 --> 00:34:08,447 RUSS: This is the concept of gravity. 635 00:34:08,447 --> 00:34:10,983 Sweet, simple concept of gravity. 636 00:34:10,983 --> 00:34:13,118 Here we go. Go. Ready? 637 00:34:13,118 --> 00:34:15,954 Yeah! Whoo! ( Gasps ): Oh, my God! 638 00:34:15,954 --> 00:34:17,856 That's brilliant. That is brilliant! All right. Go. 639 00:34:17,856 --> 00:34:20,125 ♪ And she wasn't gonna Sit around and wait ♪ 640 00:34:20,125 --> 00:34:22,895 ♪ This guy was wise To all of the lies ♪ 641 00:34:22,895 --> 00:34:25,164 ♪ And he flies Out the door ♪ 642 00:34:25,164 --> 00:34:27,332 ♪ Easy money ♪♪ 643 00:34:54,993 --> 00:34:58,330 Will these warm temperatures continue? This is Russ Richards. 644 00:34:58,330 --> 00:35:01,600 Catch me tonight in the weather center and find out. 645 00:35:01,600 --> 00:35:04,636 Right here on Channel 6, WTPA. 646 00:35:33,298 --> 00:35:36,235 Okay. Ready. ( groans ) 647 00:35:36,235 --> 00:35:39,004 ( car horn blaring ) Yeah, hold on a second. You hear that? 648 00:35:39,004 --> 00:35:41,540 I have been watching your show-- 649 00:35:41,540 --> 00:35:45,711 ( horn blaring ) 650 00:35:50,482 --> 00:35:54,019 ( woman on TV, indistinct ) MAN ON TV: Enough about me. 651 00:35:57,155 --> 00:36:00,792 I don't know why. But I'm fine. I just don't know-- 652 00:36:00,792 --> 00:36:02,961 Make way. Give her space. Bobby! Oh, Bobby! 653 00:36:02,961 --> 00:36:05,998 Thank god. Yeah. Crystal, you all right? 654 00:36:05,998 --> 00:36:09,134 But I don't know what happened with the car. Come on. Give her space. 655 00:36:19,111 --> 00:36:21,747 And I just had the car checked. Oh, that's crazy. 656 00:36:21,747 --> 00:36:23,982 Yeah. Lucky you didn't hit your head. 657 00:36:23,982 --> 00:36:25,484 Well, who knows? Maybe I did. I don't know. 658 00:36:25,484 --> 00:36:26,985 Maybe you should see a lawyer. 659 00:36:26,985 --> 00:36:29,721 Yeah, that's a good idea. I know a lawyer. 660 00:36:29,721 --> 00:36:32,524 Do you? That's great, Bobby. Thanks. 661 00:36:32,524 --> 00:36:36,261 Let me know if you want his name! 662 00:36:36,261 --> 00:36:40,265 LOTTERY ANNOUNCER: Tonight's jackpot is $6.4 million! 663 00:36:40,265 --> 00:36:45,003 Our machine contains 80 balls, and we'll draw 6 balls from the machine. 664 00:36:45,003 --> 00:36:49,975 Drawing tonight will be Channel 6's lottery girl, Crystal Latroy. 665 00:36:49,975 --> 00:36:52,878 Now, let's start the machine, please. 666 00:36:54,279 --> 00:36:57,115 Now, Crystal, draw the first number. 667 00:37:01,053 --> 00:37:03,221 Seventy! 668 00:37:04,656 --> 00:37:06,925 And the second. 669 00:37:10,195 --> 00:37:12,297 Twenty-two! 670 00:37:12,297 --> 00:37:14,232 And the third. 671 00:37:18,704 --> 00:37:21,340 Seven! 672 00:37:21,340 --> 00:37:23,275 And now the fourth. 673 00:37:27,212 --> 00:37:29,348 Sixteen! 674 00:37:30,482 --> 00:37:33,218 And the fifth number, please. 675 00:37:35,654 --> 00:37:38,156 Nine! 676 00:37:38,156 --> 00:37:42,060 LOTTERY ANNOUNCER: And the sixth! Twenty-seven. 677 00:37:47,165 --> 00:37:49,034 Twenty-seven! 678 00:37:49,034 --> 00:37:51,036 LOTTERY ANNOUNCER: And there you have it. 679 00:37:51,036 --> 00:37:54,139 Tonight's Pennsylvania lottery numbers: 70, 680 00:37:54,139 --> 00:37:56,441 22, 7, 16, 681 00:37:56,441 --> 00:37:58,510 9, 27. 682 00:37:58,510 --> 00:38:00,879 If you have it, come and get it. 683 00:38:00,879 --> 00:38:03,315 Good girl. If not, better luck next time. 684 00:38:03,315 --> 00:38:05,584 Back to you, Dan! 685 00:38:05,584 --> 00:38:09,254 ANNOUNCER: That about wraps it up for this edition of News at Five. 686 00:38:09,254 --> 00:38:12,958 Enjoy the rest of your evening. We'll see you back here tomorrow night. 687 00:38:12,958 --> 00:38:16,361 You can see all the Pennsylvania lottery drawings right here... 688 00:38:16,361 --> 00:38:19,131 on WTPA, Channel 6. 689 00:38:27,773 --> 00:38:30,642 Oh! My head! ( groans ) 690 00:38:30,642 --> 00:38:33,145 Crystal! I got you. 691 00:38:33,145 --> 00:38:35,313 I got you. Come on, come on. Oh! Thanks, Bobby. Good. 692 00:38:35,313 --> 00:38:37,582 No, let's-- Please, this way. No, this way's better. 693 00:38:37,582 --> 00:38:39,384 No. This way! All right. 694 00:38:39,384 --> 00:38:41,987 Oh, I'm not making any sense. Okay. Nice and easy. 695 00:38:41,987 --> 00:38:44,790 I-I-I don't-- Oh! Nice-- I got you. I got you. 696 00:38:57,035 --> 00:38:59,671 You feelin' better now? Ugh. 697 00:38:59,671 --> 00:39:01,973 I don't know. Yeah. 698 00:39:01,973 --> 00:39:04,142 Uh-huh. Thanks. I really do. 699 00:39:22,461 --> 00:39:24,763 ( gasps ): Oh. Oh! 700 00:39:24,763 --> 00:39:27,499 Shit! Shit! Oh. 701 00:39:27,499 --> 00:39:29,901 God! Stop it! 702 00:39:29,901 --> 00:39:31,737 Stay in! Come on! 703 00:39:31,737 --> 00:39:34,139 Get in! 704 00:39:34,139 --> 00:39:37,409 Stay in, little mothers. Oh, shit. 705 00:39:37,409 --> 00:39:40,278 Okay, okay, okay. 706 00:39:41,213 --> 00:39:44,249 Okay. ( sighs ) 707 00:39:44,249 --> 00:39:46,084 Hey! ( screams ): Oh, Bobby, 708 00:39:46,084 --> 00:39:47,486 you scared me. 709 00:39:47,486 --> 00:39:50,255 Are you sure you should be drivin'? 710 00:39:50,255 --> 00:39:52,090 Why don't you let me give you a ride home? 711 00:39:52,090 --> 00:39:55,127 No, I'm fine. I'm fine now. 712 00:39:55,127 --> 00:39:57,162 Yeah. I had a Three Musketeers. 713 00:39:57,162 --> 00:39:59,598 Okay, then. Get some sleep. 714 00:39:59,598 --> 00:40:02,567 All right. Thanks, sweetie. Are you sure you don't want me to drive you home? 715 00:40:02,567 --> 00:40:05,170 No! 716 00:40:05,170 --> 00:40:07,906 Thank you, though. You're sweet. 717 00:40:26,725 --> 00:40:29,027 Good afternoon, Lawrence. 718 00:40:29,027 --> 00:40:31,163 Hey, Russ. 719 00:40:31,163 --> 00:40:33,265 I've been thinking about you. Big news. 720 00:40:33,265 --> 00:40:36,434 No, I have. First of all, this is for you. 721 00:40:36,434 --> 00:40:39,137 Token of my appreciation for how hard you've been working. Thanks. 722 00:40:39,137 --> 00:40:43,441 And let me tell you something else. A lot of people have been talking about you. 723 00:40:43,441 --> 00:40:46,545 What people? Let's get another thing straight. 724 00:40:46,545 --> 00:40:50,916 No one is stealing you away from me, because you are-- 725 00:40:50,916 --> 00:40:53,051 What are you? Number one. 726 00:40:53,051 --> 00:40:55,887 That's right. Wow, it's quite an honor. 727 00:40:55,887 --> 00:40:59,157 I don't know what to say. Well, don't say anything. 728 00:40:59,157 --> 00:41:01,927 As our Jewish friends say, "Enjoy." 729 00:41:01,927 --> 00:41:05,297 Look, Russ, remember I told you about my cousin's stepdad? 730 00:41:05,297 --> 00:41:08,033 The one with the roadside fun park in Colorado, 731 00:41:08,033 --> 00:41:10,135 in Leadville? 732 00:41:10,135 --> 00:41:13,038 Well, if you did, my brain immediately purged it. 733 00:41:13,038 --> 00:41:17,075 Well, I gave him a call, and I told him about our situation, 734 00:41:17,075 --> 00:41:20,245 and he said he'd buy our whole inventory in one fell swoop. 735 00:41:20,245 --> 00:41:22,080 Really? Well, how much? 736 00:41:22,080 --> 00:41:25,517 Okay, well, here's where we run into a small asterisk. 737 00:41:25,517 --> 00:41:26,751 Thirty thousand? 738 00:41:26,751 --> 00:41:29,521 ( laughs ): Who is this guy, Jesse James! 739 00:41:29,521 --> 00:41:32,691 I oughta get in a Santa Claus outfit and give 'em away. 740 00:41:32,691 --> 00:41:35,493 I just thought, you know, if the noose starts getting tighter. 741 00:41:35,493 --> 00:41:38,830 "The noose"? Who am I talking to? 742 00:41:38,830 --> 00:41:42,467 Is this Larry, the winner? Is this Larry number one? 743 00:41:42,467 --> 00:41:45,337 Am I talking to the Larry that everybody's talking about? 744 00:41:45,337 --> 00:41:48,206 Who's talking about me? Oh, hey. 745 00:41:48,206 --> 00:41:50,475 Hey, hey, good. Good idea. 746 00:42:04,589 --> 00:42:07,392 Good morning, sweetie. Hi. Hi. 747 00:42:07,392 --> 00:42:10,328 So, where is it? What? 748 00:42:11,496 --> 00:42:14,266 The ticket. I'm dying to see it. 749 00:42:14,266 --> 00:42:17,135 Well, I have it. Don't worry. 750 00:42:17,135 --> 00:42:20,805 I'm not worried. May I see it, please? 751 00:42:20,805 --> 00:42:23,441 Well, actually, 752 00:42:23,441 --> 00:42:25,610 I might hold on to it for a while. 753 00:42:25,610 --> 00:42:28,780 What does that mean? Well, 754 00:42:28,780 --> 00:42:31,650 first of all, how come I'm only getting $20,000? 755 00:42:31,650 --> 00:42:34,486 I mean, I'm taking all the risk, right? 756 00:42:34,486 --> 00:42:38,590 Walter? And, you know, 757 00:42:38,590 --> 00:42:40,759 I'm-- I'm the one who's gotta cash it in. 758 00:42:40,759 --> 00:42:43,028 What if they find out this was rigged? 759 00:42:43,028 --> 00:42:45,897 No. W-W-What if th-they-- 760 00:42:45,897 --> 00:42:50,302 it's like this is a setup or some kind of, like, you know, an ambush. 761 00:42:50,302 --> 00:42:52,971 I could get caught. I could get in trouble. That's not gonna happen. 762 00:42:52,971 --> 00:42:55,740 No. Shh. Sweetie, listen. You're being really silly. 763 00:42:55,740 --> 00:42:59,411 Okay? Now, we made a deal, and you agreed to it. 764 00:42:59,411 --> 00:43:01,479 So let's just move forward as planned, okay? 765 00:43:01,479 --> 00:43:04,115 No, why-- why can't we split it three ways? 766 00:43:04,115 --> 00:43:06,685 The weatherman, you and me. Who the fuck are you? 767 00:43:06,685 --> 00:43:11,122 I'm doin' all the work. You're lucky to even get a little bit, which is a lot. 768 00:43:11,122 --> 00:43:13,258 Well, can we-- I'm family. 769 00:43:13,258 --> 00:43:15,760 Go get the fucking ticket! 770 00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:18,129 Now, give me the ticket, you jerk-off! 771 00:43:18,129 --> 00:43:20,365 Get off me! You're a whore! 772 00:43:20,365 --> 00:43:22,667 Stop it! Oh! 773 00:43:22,667 --> 00:43:25,704 Do not fuck with me, you sick, masturbating retard! 774 00:43:25,704 --> 00:43:28,139 Go ahead and rape me. That's what you want! 775 00:43:28,139 --> 00:43:29,975 Shut up! Where's the ticket? 776 00:43:29,975 --> 00:43:32,644 I'm not telling you, slut! I want that ticket now! 777 00:43:32,644 --> 00:43:35,680 I'm telling your parents! Stop it! 778 00:43:35,680 --> 00:43:38,483 Are you ready for the song "Bingo Was His Name-o"? 779 00:43:38,483 --> 00:43:40,952 CHILDREN: Yeah! All right. 780 00:43:40,952 --> 00:43:44,656 ♪ There was a farmer had a dog And Bingo was his name-o ♪ 781 00:43:44,656 --> 00:43:48,493 ♪ B-I-N-G-O, B-I-N-G-O ♪ 782 00:43:48,493 --> 00:43:50,695 WALTER ( gasping ): Where is it? 783 00:43:50,695 --> 00:43:52,664 My-- My-- My-- My-- My puffer. 784 00:43:52,664 --> 00:43:56,067 Your what? Stop it! What? Puffer! Puffer! 785 00:43:56,067 --> 00:43:59,771 ( wheezing, coughing ): My puffer! I can't breathe! 786 00:43:59,771 --> 00:44:04,042 I'll get it. God. Get it. Thank you. Thank you. 787 00:44:04,042 --> 00:44:07,012 Is this what you want, your puffer? Where's the ticket? 788 00:44:07,012 --> 00:44:09,347 ( wheezing ): I'm not telling you. 789 00:44:09,347 --> 00:44:11,616 Fine! 790 00:44:11,616 --> 00:44:15,286 ( gasping, wheezing ) 791 00:44:15,286 --> 00:44:17,355 F-Fuck y-you. ( TV turns on ) 792 00:44:17,355 --> 00:44:19,758 ( inhaler clicking, expelling mist ) 793 00:44:19,758 --> 00:44:23,028 TV: ♪ These days are all ♪ Walt, look. Happy Days is on. 794 00:44:23,028 --> 00:44:25,730 ♪ Happy and free ♪ ♪ Those happy days ♪ 795 00:44:25,730 --> 00:44:29,267 ♪ These days all ♪ ♪ Share them with me ♪ 796 00:44:29,267 --> 00:44:32,203 ♪ Good-bye gray skies Hello blue ♪ ♪ Hello blue ♪ 797 00:44:32,203 --> 00:44:34,973 ♪ There's nothing can hold me When I hold you ♪ 798 00:44:34,973 --> 00:44:37,342 ♪ Feels so right It can't be wrong ♪ ♪ Can't be wrong ♪ 799 00:44:37,342 --> 00:44:39,844 ( singing with TV ): ♪ Rockin' and rollin' all week long ♪♪ 800 00:44:39,844 --> 00:44:42,614 ♪ The people on the bus Go yap-yap-yap ♪ 801 00:44:42,614 --> 00:44:45,216 ♪ Yap-yap-yap Yap-yap-yap ♪ 802 00:44:45,216 --> 00:44:47,352 ♪ The people on the bus Go yap-yap-yap ♪♪ 803 00:44:47,352 --> 00:44:50,221 MAN ON TV: Laverne de Fazio and Shirley Feeney! 804 00:44:50,221 --> 00:44:52,924 Casablanca. LAVERNE: Casablanca. 805 00:44:52,924 --> 00:44:55,693 Shit! MAN: Okay. 806 00:44:55,693 --> 00:44:59,898 ( screaming, yelling on TV ) 807 00:44:59,898 --> 00:45:02,167 Damn it! 808 00:45:08,073 --> 00:45:10,008 Come on. Where is it? 809 00:45:16,648 --> 00:45:18,950 Oh! Goddamn it! 810 00:45:27,859 --> 00:45:29,727 Ugh. 811 00:45:30,695 --> 00:45:33,298 ( sighs ): I'm gonna puke. 812 00:45:33,298 --> 00:45:35,233 Oh! 813 00:45:36,968 --> 00:45:40,705 Yes. Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Yes! 814 00:45:40,705 --> 00:45:43,641 Hey, Walt, met your girlfriend. 815 00:45:43,641 --> 00:45:45,777 Cute. 816 00:45:47,645 --> 00:45:51,416 ( voice breaking ): Yes, I need an ambulance right away. 817 00:45:51,416 --> 00:45:56,054 My cousin... had some kind of asthma attack. 818 00:45:56,054 --> 00:45:59,624 He's not moving. Okay. 819 00:45:59,624 --> 00:46:02,660 I can't believe it. I-I m in shock. 820 00:46:02,660 --> 00:46:04,529 I thought he had one of those inhaler things. 821 00:46:04,529 --> 00:46:07,432 His puffer? Yeah, I couldn't find it. Yeah. 822 00:46:07,432 --> 00:46:08,833 You couldn't find it? 823 00:46:08,833 --> 00:46:10,802 No, well, we couldn't find it at first. 824 00:46:10,802 --> 00:46:14,939 And then when we did find it, it was all out of shit, out of juice. 825 00:46:14,939 --> 00:46:18,309 Mist? Yeah, mist. It was out of mist. 826 00:46:18,309 --> 00:46:20,912 Know what his last words were? What? 827 00:46:20,912 --> 00:46:26,117 "Crystal, my sweet angel, Don't, don't. 828 00:46:26,117 --> 00:46:29,888 "Go into my wallet and take the ticket, 829 00:46:29,888 --> 00:46:33,324 'cause you and Russ deserve to have that money." 830 00:46:33,324 --> 00:46:36,060 Oh, God! 831 00:46:36,060 --> 00:46:38,129 Oh, fuck me. No fried clams? 832 00:46:39,931 --> 00:46:41,933 Crystal? I know, baby. Hmm. 833 00:46:41,933 --> 00:46:45,970 It's insensitive to-- Well, to bring up something at a time like this, 834 00:46:45,970 --> 00:46:49,307 but I think we do have a little problem. 835 00:46:49,307 --> 00:46:51,576 What? 836 00:46:51,576 --> 00:46:53,144 Well, with Walter gone, 837 00:46:53,144 --> 00:46:55,547 we have no one to cash in the ticket. 838 00:46:55,547 --> 00:46:58,750 I mean, god rest his soul and everything. I wouldn't worry about that. 839 00:46:58,750 --> 00:47:01,519 Why? I've got plenty of relatives. 840 00:47:01,519 --> 00:47:04,289 In fact, I'll probably see a lot of them at Walter s funeral. 841 00:47:04,289 --> 00:47:07,258 No. You know, I wouldn't bring them into this. 842 00:47:07,258 --> 00:47:10,562 I mean, they've suffered enough. WOMAN: There's Russ Richards! 843 00:47:10,562 --> 00:47:13,765 He's more handsome in person! 844 00:47:15,833 --> 00:47:18,002 You know, it's times like this you wonder. 845 00:47:18,002 --> 00:47:20,505 You wonder if there's a higher being out there. 846 00:47:20,505 --> 00:47:24,209 I mean, maybe it was just Walter s time on earth-- All right! Key lime pie. 847 00:47:24,209 --> 00:47:30,248 ( rock music playing ) 848 00:47:45,396 --> 00:47:48,132 Hello, Jerry, mate. How are you? Gig. 849 00:47:52,904 --> 00:47:54,105 Wanna hear a cute story? 850 00:47:54,105 --> 00:47:56,975 I would love to hear a cute story. 851 00:47:58,443 --> 00:48:00,511 You know I got a grandson, six years old? 852 00:48:00,511 --> 00:48:03,047 That's a great age. ( chuckles ): Yeah. 853 00:48:03,047 --> 00:48:05,116 He says to me the other day, he says, 854 00:48:05,116 --> 00:48:08,519 "Pop-pop, when I grow up, 855 00:48:08,519 --> 00:48:11,856 I wanna be a bookie and run a numbers racket just like you." 856 00:48:11,856 --> 00:48:13,958 Ohhh. 857 00:48:13,958 --> 00:48:15,860 I know. I melted. 858 00:48:16,995 --> 00:48:20,431 And then he asks me, he says, "Pop-pop, 859 00:48:20,431 --> 00:48:22,800 "when people play the numbers, 860 00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:26,237 what number do they try to win?" 861 00:48:26,237 --> 00:48:28,239 So I explain to him. 862 00:48:28,239 --> 00:48:30,875 I say, "Sweetie, every week we bookies, 863 00:48:30,875 --> 00:48:35,480 we get the number from someplace our customers know we can't control." 864 00:48:35,480 --> 00:48:39,517 And he says, "Like Sesame Street?" Lovely that, isn't it? 865 00:48:39,517 --> 00:48:42,020 ( laughing ): It's amazing what these kids come up with, isn't it? 866 00:48:42,020 --> 00:48:44,789 It's amazing. And I say, "No, no, no, no, not Sesame Street. 867 00:48:44,789 --> 00:48:47,225 "We get the number from the lottery drawing on television, 868 00:48:47,225 --> 00:48:49,427 "the last three digits of the real lotto, 869 00:48:49,427 --> 00:48:52,730 "because everyone knows no one... 870 00:48:52,730 --> 00:48:54,999 "can rig the state lottery, 871 00:48:54,999 --> 00:49:00,171 which means no one can rig a bookie's number." 872 00:49:00,171 --> 00:49:02,540 That's right. And he, he looks at me. 873 00:49:02,540 --> 00:49:06,744 You know, big long look with these big brown eyes, and he says, 874 00:49:06,744 --> 00:49:10,148 "And I bet no one can win either!" ( chuckles ) 875 00:49:10,148 --> 00:49:13,551 He's a genius. Kid's a genius. 876 00:49:13,551 --> 00:49:15,553 After all, h-how often do I have to pay out? 877 00:49:15,553 --> 00:49:17,922 Once, twice, three times a year. If. 878 00:49:17,922 --> 00:49:20,091 If. So, moving right along. 879 00:49:20,091 --> 00:49:24,996 Next day, guess what. I had 12 people hit the same number. 880 00:49:24,996 --> 00:49:28,533 No shit! Yeah. 881 00:49:28,533 --> 00:49:31,903 Which even a six-year-old kid knows... ( chuckles ) 882 00:49:31,903 --> 00:49:33,938 Statistically it's impossible. 883 00:49:33,938 --> 00:49:36,708 Out of the realm of possibility. Can't happen. 884 00:49:36,708 --> 00:49:42,780 I don't know what to tell you, Jerry. Here's the funny thing, though. 885 00:49:42,780 --> 00:49:45,350 When I looked at the people who picked, 886 00:49:45,350 --> 00:49:47,352 a pattern started to emerge. 887 00:49:47,352 --> 00:49:51,155 Really? Yeah. Your ex-wife. 888 00:49:51,155 --> 00:49:54,158 ( laughing ) 889 00:49:55,760 --> 00:49:59,564 Your ex-wife. Your ex-wife's mother. 890 00:49:59,564 --> 00:50:02,734 Her mother's sister. Your dentist. 891 00:50:02,734 --> 00:50:04,702 Your cousin Vic. 892 00:50:04,702 --> 00:50:07,739 A few other stray crinkly leaves from the family tree. 893 00:50:07,739 --> 00:50:10,441 They all played variations on the same number. 894 00:50:11,876 --> 00:50:14,679 You know, Jerry. Hmm. 895 00:50:14,679 --> 00:50:16,781 If it wasn't for the fact that we are dear friends-- 896 00:50:16,781 --> 00:50:18,816 We are dear friends, right? Dear friends. 897 00:50:18,816 --> 00:50:23,221 I would suspect that you are accusing me of something. 898 00:50:24,956 --> 00:50:26,758 Of what? 899 00:50:26,758 --> 00:50:30,495 I mean, Jesus Christ himself can't rig the state lottery. 900 00:50:32,897 --> 00:50:35,900 Thank you. 901 00:50:35,900 --> 00:50:37,769 Unless-- 902 00:50:37,769 --> 00:50:41,906 Unless Jesus had a buddy down at the TV station. 903 00:50:43,074 --> 00:50:46,144 Ahh. Ahh. 904 00:50:46,144 --> 00:50:49,547 Nah. ( chuckles ) A real stumper, huh? 905 00:50:49,547 --> 00:50:53,084 Yeah, it's a fuckin' head scratcher, Jerry. A fuckin' head scratcher. 906 00:50:53,084 --> 00:50:55,386 Fuckin' head scratcher, mate. 907 00:50:55,386 --> 00:50:58,322 You know, I got some pals down at the D.A.'s office. 908 00:50:58,322 --> 00:51:00,591 Always looking for a good head scratcher. 909 00:51:03,728 --> 00:51:06,164 Now, Jerry, you never told me you had a grandson. 910 00:51:06,964 --> 00:51:08,766 I don't. 911 00:51:10,268 --> 00:51:12,537 ( laughing ) 912 00:51:29,754 --> 00:51:32,390 Hello, Dale, love. How are you? 913 00:51:32,390 --> 00:51:35,359 What you gonna do tonight, Kippy? Gonna watch Sportscenter. 914 00:51:35,359 --> 00:51:37,228 You're gonna watch Sportscenter, 915 00:51:37,228 --> 00:51:40,932 and you're gonna see if Winchell is still out with the knee thing. 916 00:51:40,932 --> 00:51:43,034 JERRY: And if he's still out with the knee thing, 917 00:51:43,034 --> 00:51:45,303 we gotta change the spread on Detroit, right? 918 00:51:45,303 --> 00:51:47,205 Right. So what are you gonna do? 919 00:51:47,205 --> 00:51:49,974 I'm gonna watch Sportscenter. Go home. Watch it. Good night. 920 00:51:49,974 --> 00:51:53,244 Good night. [Car door slams, engine starts] 921 00:51:53,244 --> 00:51:57,815 Beautiful. Lovely. Flat tire. ♪ Oh, the shark, babe, Has such teeth, dear ♪ 922 00:51:57,815 --> 00:52:03,020 Kippy? Kippy! ♪ And it shows them Pearly whites ♪ 923 00:52:03,020 --> 00:52:07,325 This is just lovely. ♪ Just a jackknife ♪ 924 00:52:07,325 --> 00:52:10,895 ♪ Has old MacHeath, babe ♪ Just lovely. 925 00:52:10,895 --> 00:52:16,200 ♪ And he keeps it Out of sight ♪ 926 00:52:16,200 --> 00:52:19,203 Ah! ♪ You know when That shark bite ♪ 927 00:52:19,203 --> 00:52:22,006 ♪ With his teeth babe ♪ 928 00:52:22,006 --> 00:52:27,912 ♪ Scarlet billows Start to spread ♪ 929 00:52:27,912 --> 00:52:33,684 ♪ Fancy gloves, though Wears old MacHeath, babe ♪ 930 00:52:33,684 --> 00:52:37,855 ♪ So there's never Never a trace of red ♪ 931 00:52:39,257 --> 00:52:42,059 ♪ Now on the sidewalk Huh, huh ♪ 932 00:52:42,059 --> 00:52:44,462 ♪ Ooh Sunday morning uh-huh ♪ 933 00:52:45,396 --> 00:52:47,865 ♪ Lies a body ♪ 934 00:52:47,865 --> 00:52:50,134 ♪ Just oozin' life ♪ 935 00:52:50,134 --> 00:52:53,905 ♪ Eek And someone's sneakin' ♪ 936 00:52:53,905 --> 00:52:56,941 ♪ 'Tound the corner ♪ 937 00:52:56,941 --> 00:53:01,646 ♪ Could that someone Be Mack the knife ♪♪ 938 00:53:23,568 --> 00:53:26,003 Nine! 939 00:53:26,003 --> 00:53:28,539 ANNOUNCER: And the sixth. 940 00:53:31,175 --> 00:53:34,645 Twenty-seven! Ooh, twenty-seven. 941 00:53:35,580 --> 00:53:38,616 What the hell is she up to? 942 00:53:40,117 --> 00:53:43,621 You're not smart enough to pull a thing like this off. 943 00:53:46,691 --> 00:53:49,026 Balls are just laying there. 944 00:54:05,309 --> 00:54:07,178 Hey. 945 00:54:07,178 --> 00:54:09,647 ( chuckling ): How are you? Hey! 946 00:54:09,647 --> 00:54:12,717 Hey, you're that, uh-- you're the, uh-- 947 00:54:12,717 --> 00:54:14,819 Weatherman. Oh, shit! 948 00:54:14,819 --> 00:54:17,588 Hey, I watch you every night! Yeah? Thank you. 949 00:54:17,588 --> 00:54:19,991 Let me give you a hand. No, it's okay. 950 00:54:19,991 --> 00:54:22,360 I insist! I can carry my own groceries, please. 951 00:54:22,360 --> 00:54:26,063 Wow, man! It must be great having a job like yours, no? 952 00:54:26,063 --> 00:54:28,199 Well, it, uh, it pays the bills. 953 00:54:28,199 --> 00:54:31,168 Nah, you guys just read a bunch of crap from cue cards, right? 954 00:54:31,168 --> 00:54:34,839 Cold in the east. A storm on the right. It looks like rain. 955 00:54:34,839 --> 00:54:37,475 Aah! It's a little more complicated than that. 956 00:54:37,475 --> 00:54:40,544 Let me ask you something. I'm trying to plan my birthday in a couple of months. 957 00:54:40,544 --> 00:54:42,847 Can you tell me if it's going to be a nice day? It's gonna be grand. 958 00:54:42,847 --> 00:54:45,082 Oh, right, hey, nice meeting you. 959 00:54:45,082 --> 00:54:47,351 Always great to know a fan. Your name was? 960 00:54:47,351 --> 00:54:49,487 Dale. Dale. 961 00:54:49,487 --> 00:54:52,757 Yeah. The thug? 962 00:54:52,757 --> 00:54:57,361 So, Russ, I just want to apologize about the last time we spoke. 963 00:54:57,361 --> 00:55:00,831 I wasn't really feeling good. I was feeling sort of vulnerable. 964 00:55:00,831 --> 00:55:04,035 I had fear issues come up, being arrested and all. That's okay. 965 00:55:04,035 --> 00:55:06,804 Oh, yeah. Plus, I was drinking, 966 00:55:06,804 --> 00:55:09,807 which I'm really not supposed to do, you know, on the medication. 967 00:55:09,807 --> 00:55:11,609 Oh, I see. Can I have some of these? 968 00:55:11,609 --> 00:55:14,812 Yeah, go ahead. You know, it wasn't a good moment. 969 00:55:14,812 --> 00:55:17,314 I just wanted to make an amends. 970 00:55:17,314 --> 00:55:19,617 Hey, listen, don't you worry. 971 00:55:19,617 --> 00:55:22,286 The truth is, I should be apologizing to you. 972 00:55:22,286 --> 00:55:26,457 I was gonna call you about the $10,000, but the station got so busy. 973 00:55:26,457 --> 00:55:29,326 Don't worry about the ten grand, Russell. 974 00:55:29,326 --> 00:55:32,997 It's water under the bridge. Really? Wow! 975 00:55:32,997 --> 00:55:35,132 I didn't know that. All right then. 976 00:55:35,132 --> 00:55:36,734 Okay, let's celebrate. 977 00:55:36,734 --> 00:55:38,769 Yeah, I wanna move forward 978 00:55:38,769 --> 00:55:41,605 because the new number I have in mind is more like half a mil. 979 00:55:41,605 --> 00:55:44,709 ( spits ) 980 00:55:44,709 --> 00:55:47,011 ( clears throat ) 981 00:55:47,011 --> 00:55:49,213 Come here, Russ. 982 00:55:49,213 --> 00:55:51,415 I rather not. Russ, come sit down. 983 00:55:51,415 --> 00:55:55,252 No, no. Come on. Sit the fuck down! 984 00:55:55,252 --> 00:55:57,788 Okay. 985 00:55:57,788 --> 00:56:01,492 Unfortunately, Russell, we have a new wrinkle in the situation. 986 00:56:01,492 --> 00:56:03,494 Oh, really? What's the wrinkle? 987 00:56:03,494 --> 00:56:06,363 Basically I had to play piñata with Jerry the bookie's skull. 988 00:56:06,363 --> 00:56:09,066 See, that ups the invoice a little. Is he okay? 989 00:56:09,066 --> 00:56:11,736 No, he's dead. Oh! Oh, god. 990 00:56:11,736 --> 00:56:13,871 You know, okay. 991 00:56:13,871 --> 00:56:16,640 I'm really uncomfortable with this kind of conversation. 992 00:56:16,640 --> 00:56:18,442 You know, not to mention, 993 00:56:18,442 --> 00:56:21,746 I broke my 1986 World Series commemorative bat. 994 00:56:21,746 --> 00:56:24,715 Oh, yeah? It was a birthday gift from my mother. 995 00:56:24,715 --> 00:56:28,419 She's gettin' a little old, and she's not feeling good these days. 996 00:56:28,419 --> 00:56:31,288 She hasn't left the house in six weeks. Okay, just give me-- 997 00:56:31,288 --> 00:56:33,924 You killed Jerry the bookie with a bat? 998 00:56:33,924 --> 00:56:36,961 It's not like a half a mil is gonna hurt you, You crushed his skull? 999 00:56:36,961 --> 00:56:39,530 With that lottery ticket of yours. 1000 00:56:42,900 --> 00:56:46,871 Get me the money, Russ. Ohh! 1001 00:56:46,871 --> 00:56:49,106 Great, Gig. We gotta talk about this. 1002 00:56:49,106 --> 00:56:52,543 I'll fuckin' ball-bat you, you creep cocksucker. 1003 00:56:52,543 --> 00:56:54,712 Okay, okay. 1004 00:56:54,712 --> 00:56:56,647 Okay. ( coughing ) 1005 00:56:59,784 --> 00:57:01,752 Mint Listerine? Yeah. 1006 00:57:01,752 --> 00:57:05,356 When did they come out with this? I don't know. 1007 00:57:05,356 --> 00:57:07,525 Is it good? Yeah, it's good. 1008 00:57:10,194 --> 00:57:13,097 ( tires screeching ) 1009 00:57:17,735 --> 00:57:22,072 All right, look, just give this dale guy a little extra money. 1010 00:57:22,072 --> 00:57:25,543 Big deal. It's better than losing it all. Better than being dead too. 1011 00:57:25,543 --> 00:57:28,813 Crystal, he hits people with commemorative bats! 1012 00:57:28,813 --> 00:57:31,549 He's not gonna hit you with a bat. He's your friend. 1013 00:57:31,549 --> 00:57:33,951 What? Yeah. You wanna see the leather jacket I got? 1014 00:57:33,951 --> 00:57:37,988 He's not my friend. I just met this guy. How can he be my f-- 1015 00:57:37,988 --> 00:57:40,157 Look-- $900. ( sighs ) 1016 00:57:40,157 --> 00:57:43,727 Made in Italy. I'm not screwing around anymore, you know? 1017 00:57:43,727 --> 00:57:46,363 If it wasn't on a boat, I don't want it. Stop it, Crystal. 1018 00:57:46,363 --> 00:57:49,633 You have got to stop buying things from Italy. You are not a millionaire. 1019 00:57:49,633 --> 00:57:51,869 We-- We are not millionaires. 1020 00:57:51,869 --> 00:57:55,539 The first thing we gotta do is find a trustworthy, non-asthmatic person... 1021 00:57:55,539 --> 00:57:59,310 to cash in this ticket A.S.A.P., or we're dead. 1022 00:57:59,310 --> 00:58:01,178 Funny you should mention that. 1023 00:58:01,178 --> 00:58:04,215 I think I have another candidate who'd be perfect. Oh, yeah? Who? 1024 00:58:04,215 --> 00:58:07,651 This guy that I was seeing for a while when I was waitressing at the racetrack. 1025 00:58:07,651 --> 00:58:10,387 I think he still works there too. A real sweet guy. 1026 00:58:10,387 --> 00:58:13,824 Bought me a really expensive parrot, too, from Brazil or something. 1027 00:58:13,824 --> 00:58:15,693 My cat bit its head off. 1028 00:58:15,693 --> 00:58:18,729 You hated that fucking bird, didn't you, sweetie? 1029 00:58:18,729 --> 00:58:20,631 The racetrack, eh. 1030 00:58:20,631 --> 00:58:23,434 Well, actually, he's an unofficial employee. 1031 00:58:23,434 --> 00:58:27,037 He injects horses with some kind of shit that makes them run faster. 1032 00:58:27,037 --> 00:58:31,942 Forget it. Just cross him off the list. Forget him. Who else? 1033 00:58:31,942 --> 00:58:35,012 There is Scatter, the guy who installed my carpet. 1034 00:58:35,012 --> 00:58:37,715 Went to high school with him. The man's name is Scatter? 1035 00:58:37,715 --> 00:58:40,184 Yeah, well, he's a total coke freak, 1036 00:58:40,184 --> 00:58:43,387 which could work in our favor because he usually needs money. 1037 00:58:43,387 --> 00:58:47,091 No, junkies are problematic. Let's keep thinkin'. 1038 00:58:47,091 --> 00:58:49,360 Mm-hmm. 1039 00:58:51,061 --> 00:58:53,697 Wanna have sex? Oh, yeah. 1040 00:59:11,415 --> 00:59:15,386 You know, I-- I was just feeling good that day. 1041 00:59:16,720 --> 00:59:19,023 Yeah. I, uh-- 1042 00:59:19,023 --> 00:59:22,459 I don't know what to say. I'm at a loss, boy. 1043 00:59:22,459 --> 00:59:24,762 I'm at a total loss. 1044 00:59:24,762 --> 00:59:28,098 I mean, here you are, supposedly injured, all right? 1045 00:59:28,098 --> 00:59:32,903 You're collecting your full lieutenant's salary and full disability. 1046 00:59:32,903 --> 00:59:35,639 I didn't even want to do this. Matt had to talk me into it. 1047 00:59:35,639 --> 00:59:37,641 You know how stupid I felt? 1048 00:59:37,641 --> 00:59:41,946 The lower back, it's an enigma. 1049 00:59:41,946 --> 00:59:44,148 Pat, I'm gonna be straight with you. 1050 00:59:44,148 --> 00:59:47,551 Obviously I have alternatives to pursue here, but I'm not gonna do it... 1051 00:59:47,551 --> 00:59:50,821 because-- 'cause I don't want this getting out. 1052 00:59:50,821 --> 00:59:54,558 All right? It makes everybody look bad. 1053 00:59:54,558 --> 00:59:58,429 From now on, you are back on full patrol. 1054 00:59:58,429 --> 01:00:00,831 Here, get started with this. 1055 01:00:02,766 --> 01:00:05,002 A missing person's case? Yeah, a bookie. 1056 01:00:05,002 --> 01:00:08,372 Jerry Green. No one's seen him for about a week. 1057 01:00:08,372 --> 01:00:10,874 Huh. Jeez. 1058 01:00:10,874 --> 01:00:13,744 What happened to him? I don't know, pat. 1059 01:00:13,744 --> 01:00:17,448 That's what you're supposed to find out. 1060 01:00:17,448 --> 01:00:19,616 Right. All right. 1061 01:00:19,616 --> 01:00:22,786 We talked earlier about the fact there's a shortage of wading pools in the area. 1062 01:00:22,786 --> 01:00:26,156 Dick? Judy said you wanted to see me. 1063 01:00:26,156 --> 01:00:28,726 Oh, hey, sport. Have a seat. Be right with you. 1064 01:00:28,726 --> 01:00:31,395 ( chuckling ) Is that Chuck Rhodes? 1065 01:00:31,395 --> 01:00:33,163 This guy kills me. 1066 01:00:33,163 --> 01:00:34,498 I found Crystal too. 1067 01:00:34,498 --> 01:00:37,334 Oh, hiya, kid. Judy, close the door. 1068 01:00:37,334 --> 01:00:39,603 Okay. Thanks. 1069 01:00:39,603 --> 01:00:43,140 What's going on? ( laughing ) 1070 01:00:43,140 --> 01:00:45,009 ( TV turns off ) 1071 01:00:47,011 --> 01:00:50,214 So, Russ, how's the finances? What? 1072 01:00:50,214 --> 01:00:52,082 What? The finances. 1073 01:00:52,082 --> 01:00:54,151 W-- Great. Good. 1074 01:00:54,151 --> 01:00:58,956 Because you seemed to be in a bind a few weeks ago. Well, that was then. 1075 01:00:58,956 --> 01:01:02,159 Terrific. And how are you, honey? We haven't talked in a while. 1076 01:01:02,159 --> 01:01:05,562 Did you know may left me? Jeez, I'm so sorry about that. 1077 01:01:05,562 --> 01:01:07,965 Life's tough. And how. 1078 01:01:07,965 --> 01:01:11,035 But you seem to be doing well. I'm great. 1079 01:01:11,035 --> 01:01:14,471 Why wouldn't you be great, with a friend like Russ here? 1080 01:01:15,973 --> 01:01:19,209 Yeah. Look at that, huh? Oh, jeez. 1081 01:01:19,209 --> 01:01:21,545 Oh, boy. 1082 01:01:21,545 --> 01:01:24,381 How 'bout that? 1083 01:01:24,381 --> 01:01:26,583 Don't say a word, not one. 1084 01:01:26,583 --> 01:01:31,321 'cause if I hear one bullshit comment like, "What are you talking about?"... 1085 01:01:31,321 --> 01:01:33,590 I'm gonna call the cops. What? 1086 01:01:33,590 --> 01:01:37,728 Wh-what do you mean? It slipped out, Dick. We're listening. Go ahead. 1087 01:01:37,728 --> 01:01:39,763 I chewed on it for three days, 1088 01:01:39,763 --> 01:01:43,534 and I'm convinced I have enough evidence to fuck you both up big time. 1089 01:01:43,534 --> 01:01:46,670 Bullshit. You don't have any evidence. What is that? 1090 01:01:46,670 --> 01:01:48,572 Stop it. Shut up. You shut up. You shut up. 1091 01:01:48,572 --> 01:01:50,874 Shut up! No. That's bullshit. 1092 01:01:50,874 --> 01:01:52,943 Dick, you have the floor. You have the floor. 1093 01:01:52,943 --> 01:01:55,712 Go ahead. Short and sweet. 1094 01:01:55,712 --> 01:01:57,581 I want half the money, 1095 01:01:57,581 --> 01:01:59,516 or I'll have you arrested, 1096 01:01:59,516 --> 01:02:02,753 and I might even do it on air, live. 1097 01:02:02,753 --> 01:02:06,123 Imagine the ratings. I'd like to see you fucking try, asshole. 1098 01:02:06,123 --> 01:02:08,592 You're gonna see me. I'll kill you, I swear to god! 1099 01:02:08,592 --> 01:02:11,829 I'm gonna kill you! You treacherous little bitch! 1100 01:02:11,829 --> 01:02:13,697 You got one week to get your shit together. 1101 01:02:13,697 --> 01:02:17,201 Hey, you listening to me? I want the money. ( door slams ) 1102 01:02:17,201 --> 01:02:20,671 Okay. Okay. Okay, let's do a little math. 1103 01:02:20,671 --> 01:02:23,841 You want 20 percent, Dale wants half a million, God bless him. 1104 01:02:23,841 --> 01:02:26,009 Dick wants half of everything. 1105 01:02:26,009 --> 01:02:30,514 I don't have a calculator, but it seems to me I'm suddenly in debt again! 1106 01:02:30,514 --> 01:02:34,218 Dale's money comes out of your share. He's your friend. 1107 01:02:34,218 --> 01:02:37,521 He's not my friend. He's his friend. I hardly know the man. 1108 01:02:37,521 --> 01:02:39,656 Who cares? It's all fuckin' moot now. 1109 01:02:39,656 --> 01:02:42,326 The only thing that's moot to me is the Dick Simmons issue. 1110 01:02:42,326 --> 01:02:43,927 CRYSTAL: Yeah. 1111 01:02:43,927 --> 01:02:46,697 You get a toothache, you pull the tooth. 1112 01:02:46,697 --> 01:02:48,866 What does that mean? 1113 01:02:48,866 --> 01:02:51,468 Let's kill the son of a bitch. Oh, god! 1114 01:02:51,468 --> 01:02:53,270 CRYSTAL: Yes! No! 1115 01:02:53,270 --> 01:02:56,440 Yes! One quick call to dale, and we're back on track. 1116 01:02:56,440 --> 01:02:58,609 Absolutely! Let's do it. 1117 01:02:58,609 --> 01:03:00,811 What is wrong with you? 1118 01:03:00,811 --> 01:03:02,713 He threatened us. Just remember that. 1119 01:03:02,713 --> 01:03:06,183 It is extortion. Does that mean he's gotta be dead? 1120 01:03:06,183 --> 01:03:08,619 We're not giving him half our money. What money? 1121 01:03:08,619 --> 01:03:11,555 That worthless scrap of shit we have? Yeah, okay. 1122 01:03:11,555 --> 01:03:15,726 Maybe it's time for your friend, the drug-addicted carpet installer. 1123 01:03:15,726 --> 01:03:19,363 Oh, Scatter. Scatter! Yeah! Maybe he could help us. 1124 01:03:19,363 --> 01:03:22,833 This is killing me. I have slept five hours this whole week. 1125 01:03:22,833 --> 01:03:26,336 Oh, god, here we go. I have dandruff with flakes this big. 1126 01:03:26,336 --> 01:03:28,172 I've gained two pounds! 1127 01:03:28,172 --> 01:03:31,508 Listen to my voice. I'm losing my instrument. 1128 01:03:31,508 --> 01:03:33,410 Shouting isn't helping. 1129 01:03:33,410 --> 01:03:35,012 WOMAN: Gig? Yeah? 1130 01:03:35,012 --> 01:03:37,281 There's a couple of cops in the club asking for you. 1131 01:03:37,281 --> 01:03:39,550 I'll be right in. Oh, great! 1132 01:03:39,550 --> 01:03:43,453 Now there's cops in the club. I've always wanted to give an inmate fame. 1133 01:03:43,453 --> 01:03:46,557 They kill the celebrities first and then they fuck 'em in the butt. 1134 01:03:46,557 --> 01:03:50,260 Will you just relax, please? There are cops always in this club. 1135 01:03:50,260 --> 01:03:53,030 They're probably arranging an engagement party. Yeah, right. 1136 01:03:53,030 --> 01:03:56,800 Just hold on a tick. Yeah. 1137 01:03:56,800 --> 01:03:59,136 STEREO: ♪ Toe to toe ♪ 1138 01:03:59,136 --> 01:04:03,540 ♪ Dancing very close ♪ 1139 01:04:03,540 --> 01:04:07,010 ♪ Body breathing ♪♪ GIG: Good evening, officers. 1140 01:04:07,010 --> 01:04:10,714 What can I do for you? Are you the owner? 1141 01:04:10,714 --> 01:04:13,150 Yes, I am. Gig. 1142 01:04:13,150 --> 01:04:17,788 Gig, do you know a guy by the name of Jerry Green? 1143 01:04:17,788 --> 01:04:20,557 He apparently is known to come in here. 1144 01:04:20,557 --> 01:04:24,027 Yeah, Jerry the bookie. Comes in here all the time. 1145 01:04:24,027 --> 01:04:27,030 Has he been in here lately, because, I mean, 1146 01:04:27,030 --> 01:04:29,433 nobody's seen this guy around for a while. 1147 01:04:29,433 --> 01:04:32,002 Ah... 1148 01:04:32,002 --> 01:04:34,304 about a week ago, I think. 1149 01:04:34,304 --> 01:04:37,207 Huh. 1150 01:04:40,844 --> 01:04:44,047 ♪ Back to back ♪ 1151 01:04:44,047 --> 01:04:47,150 ♪ Sacroiliac ♪ 1152 01:04:48,852 --> 01:04:51,955 ♪ Spineless movement ♪ 1153 01:04:51,955 --> 01:04:55,259 ♪ And a wild attack ♪♪ Excuse me, you wanna get back to this? 1154 01:04:55,259 --> 01:04:59,496 Maybe ask another question or two? Yeah, yeah. 1155 01:04:59,496 --> 01:05:02,866 Where... do you find girls like that? 1156 01:05:02,866 --> 01:05:04,968 I mean, who'd do that kind of stuff. 1157 01:05:04,968 --> 01:05:07,237 Well, you know, it's remarkably easy. 1158 01:05:07,237 --> 01:05:09,072 You'd be surprised. 1159 01:05:09,072 --> 01:05:13,944 These two, I believe, we imported from upstate New York. 1160 01:05:13,944 --> 01:05:18,915 I was gonna say, they seem like... Albany girls. 1161 01:05:21,718 --> 01:05:25,355 Uh, so, anyway, we just wanted to drop by... 1162 01:05:25,355 --> 01:05:29,059 and find out if you've seen this guy. 1163 01:05:29,059 --> 01:05:30,894 Well, I'll let you know. 1164 01:05:30,894 --> 01:05:34,898 Although, with Jerry, he could be shacked up anywhere. 1165 01:05:34,898 --> 01:05:36,967 He's a bookie, for Christ s sake. 1166 01:05:39,102 --> 01:05:43,907 It was nothing. Nothing. The word "lotto" never even came up. 1167 01:05:43,907 --> 01:05:46,443 See, Mr. Crazy Man? Thank god! 1168 01:05:46,443 --> 01:05:48,211 They were checking on Jerry. A missing person's thing. 1169 01:05:48,211 --> 01:05:50,447 They asked about Jerry? 1170 01:05:50,447 --> 01:05:53,483 Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was just routine. Not routine. 1171 01:05:53,483 --> 01:05:56,286 It's called a murder investigation. 1172 01:05:56,286 --> 01:05:58,922 No, trust me. Dale took care of everything. 1173 01:05:58,922 --> 01:06:01,625 They'll find a cure for cancer before they find Jerry. 1174 01:06:01,625 --> 01:06:05,162 MALE ANNOUNCER: Live from Harrisburg and News Center Six. 1175 01:06:05,162 --> 01:06:08,899 ( news show theme ) Covering Harrisburg, New York, Lancaster and Lebanon, 1176 01:06:08,899 --> 01:06:12,369 it's News at Five with Dan Shuff, Heidi Zimmer... 1177 01:06:12,369 --> 01:06:14,371 and Russ Richards with the weather. 1178 01:06:14,371 --> 01:06:18,775 ( music continues ) This is News at Five. 1179 01:06:18,775 --> 01:06:21,445 Our top story tonight: 1180 01:06:21,445 --> 01:06:26,717 the body of a local bookmaker was found floating in the Susquehanna River today. 1181 01:06:26,717 --> 01:06:31,254 Police say it was definitely foul play and are following leads. 1182 01:06:31,254 --> 01:06:33,256 More on that story in a moment. 1183 01:06:33,256 --> 01:06:35,192 First, let's check in with the weather center... 1184 01:06:35,192 --> 01:06:38,962 to see if we can expect more of these springlike temperatures. 1185 01:06:38,962 --> 01:06:40,964 Russ? 1186 01:06:40,964 --> 01:06:42,833 Russ? 1187 01:06:44,534 --> 01:06:46,503 Oh, yeah? 1188 01:06:46,503 --> 01:06:49,639 How about these springlike temperatures? What? 1189 01:06:49,639 --> 01:06:53,877 The uncommonly warm weather-- will it continue? 1190 01:06:56,713 --> 01:06:59,383 Russ? Russ? 1191 01:07:00,751 --> 01:07:04,054 Uh, um, wh-what was that question? 1192 01:07:04,054 --> 01:07:06,323 Thanks, Russ. 1193 01:07:06,323 --> 01:07:11,161 Well, it seems like we can keep those thermal socks in the cedar closet... 1194 01:07:11,161 --> 01:07:13,163 for the time being then. 1195 01:07:13,163 --> 01:07:14,998 That's right, Dan. 1196 01:07:14,998 --> 01:07:17,801 Police are calling it... 1197 01:07:17,801 --> 01:07:22,439 the crudest attempt to dispose of a body in recent memory. 1198 01:07:22,439 --> 01:07:24,708 Jerry Green of Linglestown... 1199 01:07:24,708 --> 01:07:26,843 was apparently bludgeoned to death... 1200 01:07:26,843 --> 01:07:30,514 and then dropped into the river with a small brick taped to one wrist. 1201 01:07:30,514 --> 01:07:35,352 Police say this was insufficient weight to keep the corpse submerged. 1202 01:07:52,669 --> 01:07:54,471 ( sighs ) 1203 01:07:54,471 --> 01:07:57,541 What time did they pull this bookie out of the river? 1204 01:07:57,541 --> 01:08:02,179 Scotty told me around 6:00. Ted told me 8:00. 1205 01:08:02,179 --> 01:08:05,148 It's like a fucking guessing game. 1206 01:08:05,148 --> 01:08:09,152 They pulled him at 6:00 and bagged him at 8:00. 1207 01:08:09,152 --> 01:08:13,089 Was he nude? Somebody said he had a t-shirt on. 1208 01:08:13,089 --> 01:08:17,027 Why don't you get off your ass and check the reports, man? 1209 01:08:21,064 --> 01:08:23,867 I'm goin' with nude. 1210 01:08:23,867 --> 01:08:26,870 I'm so glad this thing is finally over. 1211 01:08:28,071 --> 01:08:30,440 What does that mean? 1212 01:08:30,440 --> 01:08:33,143 We don't have to look for this guy anymore. 1213 01:08:33,143 --> 01:08:35,645 Gee, wouldn't it be great if we found out who killed him? 1214 01:08:35,645 --> 01:08:39,049 I realize that entails a little more work, but I'm just thinkin' out loud. 1215 01:08:39,049 --> 01:08:42,786 Has it ever occurred to you, chambers, that he was drunk... 1216 01:08:42,786 --> 01:08:44,721 and he just slipped off the bridge? 1217 01:08:44,721 --> 01:08:47,924 Hmm? A little thing called an accident. 1218 01:08:47,924 --> 01:08:51,461 Why is everybody around here so foul-play happy? 1219 01:08:51,461 --> 01:08:53,864 The man was bludgeoned to death, Lakewood! 1220 01:08:53,864 --> 01:08:56,733 His skull was bashed in, he had a plastic bag over his head... 1221 01:08:56,733 --> 01:08:59,402 and duct tape around his neck. 1222 01:09:00,470 --> 01:09:02,572 Keep going. 1223 01:09:08,712 --> 01:09:11,648 MAN ON TV: You're in a very small, select group of guys. 1224 01:09:11,648 --> 01:09:13,717 What is it that makes you successful... 1225 01:09:13,717 --> 01:09:16,353 and all the others knocking on the doors not so successful? 1226 01:09:16,353 --> 01:09:17,587 MAN 2: I'm not so sure. 1227 01:09:17,587 --> 01:09:19,589 As I travel around the country, 1228 01:09:19,589 --> 01:09:22,192 I see on television guys who would make good game show hosts, 1229 01:09:22,192 --> 01:09:24,995 but I don't tell 'em. ( laughter ) 1230 01:09:24,995 --> 01:09:30,100 I think, to me, the analogy is a game show host is the icing on the cake. 1231 01:09:30,100 --> 01:09:33,270 But the format is the cake. No one-- 1232 01:09:33,270 --> 01:09:36,573 ( man talking on TV ) 1233 01:09:36,573 --> 01:09:39,543 I'll love you till the day I die. 1234 01:09:42,279 --> 01:09:45,081 Yes! And again. 1235 01:09:45,081 --> 01:09:47,751 MAN: At 2:15 that afternoon, Johnny Clay-- 1236 01:09:47,751 --> 01:09:50,554 ( TV continues, faint ) 1237 01:10:37,701 --> 01:10:40,604 He's expecting me. Come in. 1238 01:10:44,674 --> 01:10:46,476 I don't know why I did it. 1239 01:10:46,476 --> 01:10:50,046 It all unraveled and then one thing happened after another. 1240 01:10:50,046 --> 01:10:53,016 Jesus. I'm still in shock, boss. 1241 01:10:53,016 --> 01:10:55,218 I'm in so much trouble, Larry. 1242 01:10:55,218 --> 01:11:00,223 No man becomes wise without stepping on the soil of fools. 1243 01:11:00,223 --> 01:11:02,759 Right. Right! 1244 01:11:02,759 --> 01:11:05,095 But I never claimed to be-- 1245 01:11:05,095 --> 01:11:07,831 That's good. Where did you get that? Is that from the Bible? 1246 01:11:07,831 --> 01:11:11,835 Actually, it's from this play I wrote in eighth grade about Evel Knievel. 1247 01:11:11,835 --> 01:11:14,871 Oh. What are you gonna do? 1248 01:11:14,871 --> 01:11:16,940 Well, I have a plan, I do. 1249 01:11:16,940 --> 01:11:19,676 But I need money. I need it fast. 1250 01:11:19,676 --> 01:11:23,513 So I was thinking about that guy who wanted the snowmobiles, the one in Colorado? 1251 01:11:23,513 --> 01:11:27,017 Yeah. Well, you think he's still interested? 1252 01:11:27,017 --> 01:11:30,020 Yeah, I think so, but you'd have to find some way to deliver 'em. 1253 01:11:31,054 --> 01:11:35,125 Set it up. Set... it... up. 1254 01:11:35,125 --> 01:11:37,694 DICK: A hundred thousand dollars? That's right. 1255 01:11:37,694 --> 01:11:42,499 You wanna sell me a lotto ticket worth $6.4 million for $100,000? 1256 01:11:42,499 --> 01:11:44,300 Correct. I want out. 1257 01:11:44,300 --> 01:11:47,437 However, this is a one-time-only offer, Dick. One-time-only. 1258 01:11:47,437 --> 01:11:49,873 I want the money, I want it tonight at the station. 1259 01:11:49,873 --> 01:11:53,843 If I hear any excuses, any bullshit comments like, "I can only get part of it"... 1260 01:11:53,843 --> 01:11:55,712 or "I need more time," The deal is off. 1261 01:11:55,712 --> 01:11:58,281 Be reasonable. It'll take me a couple of days-- Deal's off. 1262 01:11:58,281 --> 01:12:01,918 I'll get it, I'll get it. Good decision. 1263 01:12:09,959 --> 01:12:12,929 RUSS: Now, I believe that I have solved all of our problems. 1264 01:12:12,929 --> 01:12:16,933 CRYSTAL: Really? What century is this guy in? Why don't you pass him? 1265 01:12:19,069 --> 01:12:21,938 Put a motor on it, Jake! 1266 01:12:21,938 --> 01:12:24,974 A year and a half behind this freak. 1267 01:12:24,974 --> 01:12:28,645 One, I found a buyer for the snowmobiles, a guy in Colorado. 1268 01:12:28,645 --> 01:12:31,614 I'm renting a trailer, and I'm gonna deliver them myself. 1269 01:12:31,614 --> 01:12:34,217 But why Colorado? But, uh, uh! 1270 01:12:34,217 --> 01:12:37,353 Number two: the lotto ticket. I sold it to Dick. 1271 01:12:37,353 --> 01:12:41,324 Hundred grand cash. Now it's his problem. I don't think so. 1272 01:12:41,324 --> 01:12:44,861 Number three, which is probably the most important of all, 1273 01:12:44,861 --> 01:12:47,797 I'm leaving tonight for good. 1274 01:12:47,797 --> 01:12:49,733 Now, questions. 1275 01:12:49,733 --> 01:12:51,401 ( tires screech ) 1276 01:12:51,401 --> 01:12:55,171 You fucked up the whole thing! You screwed it all up! 1277 01:12:55,171 --> 01:12:57,574 Stop it! You crazy fool! 1278 01:12:57,574 --> 01:12:59,909 God, and I could've got a car and everything! 1279 01:12:59,909 --> 01:13:01,978 Hey, now listen. 1280 01:13:01,978 --> 01:13:04,013 If I didn't do this, we would be in jail 1281 01:13:04,013 --> 01:13:06,015 or at the bottom of a river... 1282 01:13:06,015 --> 01:13:08,384 with bricks taped around our wrists. ( groans ) 1283 01:13:08,384 --> 01:13:11,755 And you know it. Oh, my God. You're so stupid. 1284 01:13:11,755 --> 01:13:13,823 Oh! Oh, Crystal. 1285 01:13:13,823 --> 01:13:16,693 We are under surveillance. Oh, yeah? 1286 01:13:16,693 --> 01:13:19,729 Yes. Last night I stopped by a convenience store. 1287 01:13:19,729 --> 01:13:24,734 A cop pulled in behind me, he got out, he followed me in... 1288 01:13:24,734 --> 01:13:27,804 and then he pretended to get a cup of coffee! 1289 01:13:27,804 --> 01:13:29,806 Did he pretend to get a doughnut? 1290 01:13:29,806 --> 01:13:31,775 Oh, you know-- You are nuts! 1291 01:13:31,775 --> 01:13:35,311 You need to see a psychiatrist. Oh, I'm nuts? 1292 01:13:35,311 --> 01:13:39,582 You can't handle this! What about this little puppy? 1293 01:13:39,582 --> 01:13:44,154 There's enough mist in this thing to save ten masturbators. 1294 01:13:45,255 --> 01:13:48,258 ( rock music playing ) 1295 01:13:49,893 --> 01:13:53,329 ♪ Ain't no big thing To wait-- ♪♪ 1296 01:13:53,329 --> 01:13:55,565 That's an ugly turn of events. Mm-hmm. 1297 01:13:55,565 --> 01:13:58,468 Mmm! What is this? ( music continues, faint ) 1298 01:13:58,468 --> 01:14:01,004 Schnapps? What, am I in third grade? 1299 01:14:01,004 --> 01:14:02,372 Can I have a drink, please? 1300 01:14:02,372 --> 01:14:04,507 Let's just talk this through, shall we? 1301 01:14:05,909 --> 01:14:09,379 You're saying that Russ, in his infinite wisdom, 1302 01:14:09,379 --> 01:14:12,582 Yeah. Sold the ticket for a hundred grand. 1303 01:14:12,582 --> 01:14:16,286 Can you believe it? A $6 million ticket! 1304 01:14:16,286 --> 01:14:20,690 I've got more brains in my... shoe! ( grunts ) 1305 01:14:20,690 --> 01:14:24,160 You know, Russ never really had the stomach for this sort of thing, did he? 1306 01:14:24,160 --> 01:14:28,164 Well, I do, and I want that ticket back, and I want Dick Simmons dead! 1307 01:14:28,164 --> 01:14:30,533 Do you hear me? 1308 01:14:30,533 --> 01:14:33,069 Fine. Fine. 1309 01:14:33,069 --> 01:14:35,705 Speed dial. I love it. 1310 01:14:35,705 --> 01:14:39,108 And I want his head cut off so I can hang it from my rearview mirror! 1311 01:14:39,108 --> 01:14:41,110 That's just your anger talking. Yeah. 1312 01:14:41,110 --> 01:14:43,279 Dale. Dale, it's Gig. 1313 01:14:43,279 --> 01:14:45,014 His machine. Oh. 1314 01:14:45,014 --> 01:14:49,185 Um, see, things have got a little bit sticky over here. 1315 01:14:49,185 --> 01:14:53,156 Slight change of plans, nothing that your deft touch couldn't rectify. 1316 01:14:53,156 --> 01:14:56,960 So either swing by or just return the call. That'd be marvelous. 1317 01:14:56,960 --> 01:14:59,896 Thank you. Great. 1318 01:14:59,896 --> 01:15:02,866 Slight snag though. What? 1319 01:15:02,866 --> 01:15:08,304 Well, Dale-- bless him-- has been doing favor after favor for us. 1320 01:15:08,304 --> 01:15:11,641 If it's not one thing, it's... the other. So-- 1321 01:15:11,641 --> 01:15:14,210 So what's your point? ( sighs ) 1322 01:15:14,210 --> 01:15:19,315 If he's gets the ticket back for us, we're gonna have to give him a little more money. 1323 01:15:19,315 --> 01:15:22,752 No. No way. N-O. That would only be fair. 1324 01:15:22,752 --> 01:15:25,388 There is a limit to my classiness. 1325 01:15:26,456 --> 01:15:29,492 Quite obviously. Shut up! 1326 01:15:29,492 --> 01:15:32,328 I'll handle this. You just leave dale out of it. 1327 01:15:32,328 --> 01:15:35,598 Bunch of morons. I have to do everything myself! 1328 01:15:49,412 --> 01:15:51,547 Hi. Well, well, well. Look who it is. 1329 01:15:51,547 --> 01:15:54,350 An old face from the past. What's on your mind, gorgeous? 1330 01:15:54,350 --> 01:15:57,287 Oh, nothin'. Just wanted to say hello. Really? That's sweet. 1331 01:15:57,287 --> 01:16:00,490 'Cause the last time we chatted, I believe you threatened to kill me. 1332 01:16:00,490 --> 01:16:02,992 Gee, has something changed since then? 1333 01:16:02,992 --> 01:16:07,397 Well, you really did outsmart us, didn't you? Screwed us royally. 1334 01:16:07,397 --> 01:16:10,600 I'm impressed, Dick. I'm like a lion that way. 1335 01:16:10,600 --> 01:16:13,336 I hide in the weeds, bide my time, 1336 01:16:13,336 --> 01:16:17,340 then I jump out and tear the ass off some dumb buffalo. 1337 01:16:17,340 --> 01:16:19,676 Ooh. So, Mr. Lion, 1338 01:16:19,676 --> 01:16:22,512 how are you gonna cash in that ticket? 1339 01:16:22,512 --> 01:16:25,515 I'll think of something. Don't lose any sleep over it. 1340 01:16:25,515 --> 01:16:27,951 Believe me, honey, I sleep like a baby, 1341 01:16:27,951 --> 01:16:30,353 'cause the second you try to cash in that little fucker, 1342 01:16:30,353 --> 01:16:33,456 I'm going straight to the Lottery Commission and tell them everything. 1343 01:16:33,456 --> 01:16:37,627 If you did that, angel, I'd rat you out quicker than a frog can take a piss. 1344 01:16:37,627 --> 01:16:39,562 Mmm. 1345 01:16:47,236 --> 01:16:49,839 What do you want? Halfsies. 1346 01:16:49,839 --> 01:16:51,708 Half. 1347 01:16:54,877 --> 01:16:58,681 Have you been exercising? 'Cause you look great. 1348 01:17:04,387 --> 01:17:06,522 Deal. 1349 01:17:09,592 --> 01:17:13,363 Nothing like rekindling an old friendship. 1350 01:17:44,627 --> 01:17:46,763 Hey, that's him. Wagstaff. 1351 01:17:46,763 --> 01:17:49,932 Wagstaff? Yes, Wagstaff. 1352 01:17:49,932 --> 01:17:51,734 Are you sure? 1353 01:17:51,734 --> 01:17:53,903 Yeah, light hair, 6'2", lives at this address. 1354 01:17:53,903 --> 01:17:56,105 You need anything else? Does he have a record? 1355 01:17:56,105 --> 01:17:58,107 You should read the report sometime. 1356 01:17:58,107 --> 01:17:59,642 Wagstaff was overheard 1357 01:17:59,642 --> 01:18:01,444 bragging about the bookie's murder in a bar. 1358 01:18:01,444 --> 01:18:03,579 Oh, what a jerk. 1359 01:18:03,579 --> 01:18:05,982 You know what would be unfortunate? 1360 01:18:05,982 --> 01:18:09,786 If we got into that whole let's-follow-him rigmarole. 1361 01:18:09,786 --> 01:18:13,589 ( tires screeching ) Oh, perfect. 1362 01:18:23,366 --> 01:18:26,069 ( grunting ) 1363 01:18:26,069 --> 01:18:29,605 Oh, man! It's getting cold out, huh? 1364 01:18:29,605 --> 01:18:33,109 I never realized how heavy these things were. Yeah, 4-40s, you know. 1365 01:18:33,109 --> 01:18:35,711 K.C.-inducted engines, twin carbs. 1366 01:18:35,711 --> 01:18:37,613 Just touch that throttle and boom! 1367 01:18:37,613 --> 01:18:39,849 It's like gettin' a chick off. 1368 01:18:39,849 --> 01:18:43,519 Jeez, I hope that wasn't your sales pitch. Oh, yeah. 1369 01:18:43,519 --> 01:18:45,721 You actually said that to people? 1370 01:18:45,721 --> 01:18:49,058 Well, you know, just like biker types. 1371 01:18:49,058 --> 01:18:50,927 Huh. 1372 01:18:53,329 --> 01:18:55,198 Hey, Russ. 1373 01:18:56,499 --> 01:18:58,935 Check it out. 1374 01:19:01,537 --> 01:19:03,339 I don't believe it. 1375 01:19:03,339 --> 01:19:07,643 I thought you called for partly cloudy and pleasant tonight. 1376 01:19:07,643 --> 01:19:09,712 A backdoor cold front. 1377 01:19:09,712 --> 01:19:12,215 A what? A backdoor cold front. 1378 01:19:12,215 --> 01:19:13,649 Rare. 1379 01:19:13,649 --> 01:19:16,586 Almost impossible to predict. 1380 01:19:16,586 --> 01:19:21,824 The atmosphere-- a beautiful yet fickle beast she is. 1381 01:19:21,824 --> 01:19:24,193 Is that from the Evel Knievel play? 1382 01:19:24,193 --> 01:19:26,062 Yup. 1383 01:19:31,801 --> 01:19:34,637 ( sighs ) 1384 01:19:48,417 --> 01:19:50,987 ( engine backfires ) 1385 01:19:52,288 --> 01:19:54,957 ( backfires ) 1386 01:20:09,972 --> 01:20:12,141 CHAMBERS: Where in the hell is he going? 1387 01:20:12,141 --> 01:20:13,576 Beats me. 1388 01:20:13,576 --> 01:20:17,246 He's definitely up to something. Definitely. 1389 01:20:17,246 --> 01:20:20,750 We should call for backup. You know, it never hurts. 1390 01:20:20,750 --> 01:20:22,985 You know, backup, it's like an old friend. 1391 01:20:22,985 --> 01:20:28,991 It's like an old, comfortable sweatshirt you slip into on a cold winter's night. 1392 01:20:28,991 --> 01:20:33,229 Are you listening, chambers? Get your head out of the clouds! 1393 01:20:45,808 --> 01:20:47,810 Hey. ( moans ) 1394 01:20:47,810 --> 01:20:50,613 Hey, wake up. 1395 01:20:50,613 --> 01:20:52,815 Come on. Wake up. 1396 01:20:57,253 --> 01:21:00,690 Fuck it. ( Crystal screams ) 1397 01:21:00,690 --> 01:21:03,059 What? Wake the fuck up! 1398 01:21:03,059 --> 01:21:05,061 What is this? What do you want? 1399 01:21:05,061 --> 01:21:06,896 You know what I want. My wallet's in my pants. 1400 01:21:06,896 --> 01:21:08,331 Take the $50 out of my wallet. 1401 01:21:08,331 --> 01:21:10,866 And don't hurt me! I'm just sleeping over. 1402 01:21:10,866 --> 01:21:12,635 Where's the ticket? What ticket? 1403 01:21:12,635 --> 01:21:13,970 Gig sent you? 1404 01:21:13,970 --> 01:21:15,805 The fuckin' Tooth Fairy sent me, Twiggy. 1405 01:21:15,805 --> 01:21:17,740 Who do you think? Hey, please leave. 1406 01:21:17,740 --> 01:21:19,609 Don't fuckin' play games with me. 1407 01:21:19,609 --> 01:21:21,410 I'm hopped up on wine coolers and antidepressants. 1408 01:21:21,410 --> 01:21:23,079 I'm not feelin' good. Where is it? 1409 01:21:23,079 --> 01:21:25,014 I don't know what you're talking about. 1410 01:21:25,014 --> 01:21:26,782 You don't know? No, I don't know what you're talking about. 1411 01:21:26,782 --> 01:21:29,385 Do you like baseball? What? 1412 01:21:29,385 --> 01:21:31,420 Do you like baseball? Yes. 1413 01:21:31,420 --> 01:21:33,756 Who's your favorite player? Ted Williams. 1414 01:21:33,756 --> 01:21:37,093 Ted Williams. Oh, yeah. He had some swing. It was sort of like this. 1415 01:21:37,093 --> 01:21:38,928 ( both screaming ) 1416 01:21:38,928 --> 01:21:41,731 No, hey, hey. Hold on. 1417 01:21:41,731 --> 01:21:44,300 Just take it easy. I'm gonna call for backup. 1418 01:21:44,300 --> 01:21:47,803 I'm gonna go around the back. You cover the front. No, you're in cowboy mode. 1419 01:21:47,803 --> 01:21:50,806 Stop that! Wait for backup. 1420 01:21:50,806 --> 01:21:53,809 Oh, shit. Shit. 1421 01:21:53,809 --> 01:21:57,079 Shit! 1422 01:21:57,079 --> 01:22:00,383 Are we speaking the same language now? I'm gonna give him the ticket. 1423 01:22:00,383 --> 01:22:02,518 It's not worth it. Life's too precious. 1424 01:22:02,518 --> 01:22:06,522 Good girl. You see, that's all I ask for, a little cooperation. 1425 01:22:06,522 --> 01:22:09,792 Here's your cooperation, you mongoloid piece of shit! Aaah! Ooh! 1426 01:22:09,792 --> 01:22:13,529 Oh! Aah! Aah. 1427 01:22:18,534 --> 01:22:20,636 ( door slams ) Police! Freeze! 1428 01:22:20,636 --> 01:22:23,706 Don't shoot! No, no! There's a raving crazy guy up there! 1429 01:22:23,706 --> 01:22:26,409 Just go kill him. 1430 01:22:50,800 --> 01:22:52,768 Aah! Ohh! 1431 01:22:52,768 --> 01:22:54,570 Lakewood, I'm hit! 1432 01:22:54,570 --> 01:22:58,607 Huh? Say what? Don't let him through! 1433 01:23:05,648 --> 01:23:07,717 Aah! 1434 01:23:11,987 --> 01:23:14,357 CRYSTAL: Somebody! 1435 01:23:15,691 --> 01:23:18,561 Get me a fucking robe! 1436 01:23:36,245 --> 01:23:40,082 Isn't it ironic? Yeah, ironic. 1437 01:23:40,082 --> 01:23:43,686 Just another word for saying you're getting screwed. 1438 01:23:43,686 --> 01:23:46,389 But so what, right? It's all over now anyway. 1439 01:23:46,389 --> 01:23:51,394 In a little while, bim-bam-boom, I've got this town in the rearview mirror. 1440 01:23:51,394 --> 01:23:53,796 Hey, take me with you, boss. What? 1441 01:23:53,796 --> 01:23:56,766 Yeah, a little Colorado road trip. No, no, Larry. 1442 01:23:56,766 --> 01:23:58,701 Come on. Let me go. 1443 01:23:58,701 --> 01:24:01,570 I'm practically a fugitive. I can't take you with me. 1444 01:24:01,570 --> 01:24:05,007 Well, Russ, today, yeah, 1445 01:24:05,007 --> 01:24:07,643 I'm an authorized Yamaha sales associate, 1446 01:24:07,643 --> 01:24:09,979 but tomorrow I'm just another guy... 1447 01:24:09,979 --> 01:24:13,616 boxing Peanut Butter Cups at Hershey. 1448 01:24:13,616 --> 01:24:16,051 Come on, Russ. I have faith in you, man. 1449 01:24:16,051 --> 01:24:19,155 Really? You would just drop everything to come with me? 1450 01:24:19,155 --> 01:24:21,257 Yeah, let the word go forth-- 1451 01:24:21,257 --> 01:24:25,294 the Russ Richards freight train is about to leave the station. 1452 01:24:25,294 --> 01:24:27,763 New horizons, new conquests. 1453 01:24:27,763 --> 01:24:31,200 Ready to kick some new ass. Bob Barker, watch out. 1454 01:24:31,200 --> 01:24:33,335 Russ Richards is headin' west. 1455 01:24:33,335 --> 01:24:35,871 Now let's see what's behind door number three. Whoo-hoo! 1456 01:24:38,441 --> 01:24:42,711 ♪ You brought me fame And fortune and everything That goes with it ♪ 1457 01:24:42,711 --> 01:24:44,713 ♪ I thank you all ♪ 1458 01:24:44,713 --> 01:24:47,950 Come on. ♪ This will be No bed of roses ♪ 1459 01:24:47,950 --> 01:24:50,186 All right, I'll take the first eight hours. 1460 01:24:50,186 --> 01:24:54,423 You ever driven one of these things? Nope. 1461 01:24:54,423 --> 01:24:58,160 ♪ I consider it a challenge Before the whole human race And I never lose ♪ 1462 01:24:58,160 --> 01:25:00,162 All right. Here we go. 1463 01:25:00,162 --> 01:25:04,867 Hey. Yeah, baby. ( laughing ) 1464 01:25:04,867 --> 01:25:08,070 ♪ We are the champions ♪ 1465 01:25:08,070 --> 01:25:10,339 ♪ My friends ♪ 1466 01:25:11,807 --> 01:25:14,577 ♪ And we'll keep on fighting ♪ 1467 01:25:14,577 --> 01:25:16,879 ♪ Till the end ♪ 1468 01:25:16,879 --> 01:25:19,548 Damn the torpedoes! Full speed ahead! 1469 01:25:19,548 --> 01:25:23,486 Whoo! ♪ We are the champions ♪ 1470 01:25:23,486 --> 01:25:27,323 ♪ We are the champions ♪ 1471 01:25:27,323 --> 01:25:30,726 ♪ No time for losers ♪ 1472 01:25:30,726 --> 01:25:34,129 ♪ 'Cause we are The champions ♪♪ 1473 01:25:34,129 --> 01:25:37,666 So far, so good. Let's go. ( gear shifts ) 1474 01:26:14,403 --> 01:26:18,073 ( loud crashing ) 1475 01:26:20,142 --> 01:26:21,944 I'm not gonna look. 1476 01:26:21,944 --> 01:26:24,513 I think that's a good idea. Yup. 1477 01:26:28,517 --> 01:26:30,586 ( chattering ) 1478 01:26:34,723 --> 01:26:37,159 Easy, easy. I got it. 1479 01:26:37,159 --> 01:26:39,995 Let's get him up. 1480 01:26:39,995 --> 01:26:42,197 Dick, where's the ticket? ( moans ) 1481 01:26:42,197 --> 01:26:45,534 Answer me. He can't answer you, ma'am. He's been sedated. 1482 01:26:45,534 --> 01:26:48,571 Why did you do that? Oh! 1483 01:26:51,206 --> 01:26:53,075 Fuck. 1484 01:26:57,346 --> 01:26:59,281 Here. 1485 01:26:59,281 --> 01:27:01,216 Oh. 1486 01:27:06,989 --> 01:27:11,460 Thank you. That was, uh, very brave tonight, ma'am. 1487 01:27:11,460 --> 01:27:15,130 Yeah. He was an animal with an intent to kill. 1488 01:27:15,130 --> 01:27:19,101 No shit, the fucking creep. Oops. Excuse my French. 1489 01:27:22,204 --> 01:27:25,641 Um, can I give you a lift... 1490 01:27:25,641 --> 01:27:28,577 to the hospital? 1491 01:27:28,577 --> 01:27:30,946 Why? I'm fine. 1492 01:27:30,946 --> 01:27:33,782 No, I meant, to be with Mr. Simmons. 1493 01:27:33,782 --> 01:27:35,951 Oh, right. Yeah. 1494 01:27:35,951 --> 01:27:41,757 You know, it's kinda late, and I have a lot of stuff to do in the morning, early. 1495 01:27:41,757 --> 01:27:44,560 Stuff. Mm-hmm. 1496 01:27:44,560 --> 01:27:49,365 Well, we might need some more information, and, uh, 1497 01:27:49,365 --> 01:27:51,100 uh, I might call you. 1498 01:27:51,100 --> 01:27:54,837 I'm available. 1499 01:27:54,837 --> 01:27:58,574 Fantastic. Okay. Can I go now? 1500 01:27:58,574 --> 01:28:01,143 Sure. Thank you. 1501 01:28:04,179 --> 01:28:06,682 MAN: Get him out of here. 1502 01:28:09,184 --> 01:28:11,120 Hey, Chambers. 1503 01:28:11,120 --> 01:28:13,355 All right, hang on just a second. 1504 01:28:13,355 --> 01:28:15,691 ( loudly ): How you feeling, partner? 1505 01:28:15,691 --> 01:28:19,261 I'd feel a lot better if I could get to the hospital. Could you make this quick? 1506 01:28:19,261 --> 01:28:22,464 We're all gonna pull you through this, all right? 1507 01:28:22,464 --> 01:28:24,633 Positive attitude-- that's everything. 1508 01:28:24,633 --> 01:28:27,670 Hey, pal, he got shot in the leg. I think he'll be fine. 1509 01:28:27,670 --> 01:28:30,906 Let's hope so. Be careful with him! 1510 01:28:30,906 --> 01:28:32,975 LARRY: What are you doing? 1511 01:28:32,975 --> 01:28:37,379 I'm trying to disconnect this trailer so we can get out of here. 1512 01:28:38,881 --> 01:28:40,883 ( radio buzzes ) 1513 01:28:40,883 --> 01:28:43,052 FEMALE DISPATCHER: Base to car six. 1514 01:28:43,052 --> 01:28:46,455 ( groans ): What? 1515 01:28:46,455 --> 01:28:50,459 We've got a jackknifed tractor-trailer at Route 22 in Devonshire. 1516 01:28:50,459 --> 01:28:53,696 You're about a mile away. ( sighs ) 1517 01:28:53,696 --> 01:28:58,467 Great. Now I got another 20,000 forms to fill out. 1518 01:29:01,770 --> 01:29:05,207 ( grunting ): Why do they make these things out of metal? 1519 01:29:05,207 --> 01:29:07,609 Uh, I think it's twisted. 1520 01:29:07,609 --> 01:29:09,411 No, it's coming. It's coming! 1521 01:29:09,411 --> 01:29:12,314 Oh, I don't know, Russ. It's coming! 1522 01:29:12,314 --> 01:29:16,085 Shit! Fuck! 1523 01:29:16,085 --> 01:29:18,253 Why-- Why the hell is it snowing now? 1524 01:29:18,253 --> 01:29:21,590 Why the fuck is it snowing now? Fuck! Fuck! 1525 01:29:21,590 --> 01:29:23,992 ( siren wailing ) Uh-oh. 1526 01:29:23,992 --> 01:29:27,362 Don't say a word without your lawyer, even if they beat the crap out of you. 1527 01:29:27,362 --> 01:29:29,932 Not tonight. Nobody's beating the crap out of me. 1528 01:29:29,932 --> 01:29:32,901 You get out of here. I don't want you mixed up in this. 1529 01:29:32,901 --> 01:29:35,404 If I go to jail, I'm goin' alone. Wait! 1530 01:29:35,404 --> 01:29:38,507 Your money's in your briefcase! 1531 01:29:41,176 --> 01:29:45,314 No, Russ, don't do it! Don't take that sled. It's a piece of shit. 1532 01:29:45,314 --> 01:29:48,717 Take the 4-40! Excellent power-to-weight ratio. 1533 01:29:48,717 --> 01:29:51,019 What? Two-year unlimited service warranty! 1534 01:29:51,019 --> 01:29:54,990 A fix-it-yourself onboard tool kit in the backseat! Okay! Fine! 1535 01:29:54,990 --> 01:29:57,292 This beauty is built for you! 1536 01:29:57,292 --> 01:29:59,194 Hand warmers, halogen lights, special all-track suspension! 1537 01:29:59,194 --> 01:30:00,996 Shut your trap. I got it! 1538 01:30:00,996 --> 01:30:02,865 Don't pull the choke. The lines are dry. 1539 01:30:02,865 --> 01:30:05,768 No, don't flood it. You said don't pull the choke. 1540 01:30:05,768 --> 01:30:08,937 Finesse it, don't flood it. It's like getting a chick off. We went over this! 1541 01:30:08,937 --> 01:30:12,141 ( engine revving ) All right, you fellas. 1542 01:30:12,141 --> 01:30:15,611 It looks like you're in need of some assistance. 1543 01:30:19,281 --> 01:30:21,917 Get back! Huh? 1544 01:30:21,917 --> 01:30:25,154 Back off! Huh? 1545 01:30:25,154 --> 01:30:28,423 I said back off, motherfucker! 1546 01:30:28,423 --> 01:30:31,627 Hey. Hey! 1547 01:30:31,627 --> 01:30:33,662 Ho! Oh, man! 1548 01:30:33,662 --> 01:30:35,998 Give me the case. 1549 01:30:36,932 --> 01:30:39,468 Whoo! Hoo-hoo! 1550 01:30:40,803 --> 01:30:43,605 Whoa! 1551 01:30:43,605 --> 01:30:46,542 Hail Yamaha. 1552 01:30:46,542 --> 01:30:49,311 Ah, Jesus Christ! 1553 01:30:49,311 --> 01:30:51,780 This night never ends. 1554 01:30:51,780 --> 01:30:53,549 ( grunts ) 1555 01:30:53,549 --> 01:30:57,653 ( siren wailing ) 1556 01:30:59,421 --> 01:31:02,224 ♪ Let me loose I just got back ♪ 1557 01:31:02,224 --> 01:31:05,093 ♪ I was pushed And I got dragged ♪ Okay, kids! 1558 01:31:05,093 --> 01:31:07,830 Now it's time to play the snowmobile game, 1559 01:31:07,830 --> 01:31:10,332 with your host, Russ Richards! 1560 01:31:10,332 --> 01:31:13,502 ♪ Destination anywhere ♪ 1561 01:31:13,502 --> 01:31:16,205 ♪ So far gone I'm almost there ♪ 1562 01:31:16,205 --> 01:31:18,774 ♪ Can't you see I can't deny ♪ 1563 01:31:18,774 --> 01:31:21,310 ♪ I'm outta here Like I'm on fire ♪ 1564 01:31:21,310 --> 01:31:24,913 Yeah! Whoa! ♪ Livin' like a caged-up Animal, criminal ♪ 1565 01:31:24,913 --> 01:31:26,715 ♪ Television newsman So subliminal ♪ Whoa! 1566 01:31:26,715 --> 01:31:30,452 ♪ Bringing down the walls Of wonderland ♪ 1567 01:31:30,452 --> 01:31:32,955 Ohh! 1568 01:31:32,955 --> 01:31:36,725 ♪ Just another highbrow cowboy Tellin' me everything And everyone ♪ 1569 01:31:36,725 --> 01:31:38,827 ♪ And all the things I oughta be ♪ 1570 01:31:38,827 --> 01:31:43,332 ♪ Here I am Your demolition man ♪♪ Oh, jeez! Aaah! 1571 01:31:45,534 --> 01:31:47,736 WOMAN: Russ? Russ. 1572 01:31:47,736 --> 01:31:49,004 Russ. No. 1573 01:31:49,004 --> 01:31:50,939 Russ. No. 1574 01:31:50,939 --> 01:31:52,975 Russ! Oh, my God. 1575 01:31:52,975 --> 01:31:56,511 How you feelin'? 1576 01:31:56,511 --> 01:31:58,513 Oh, you got pretty banged up there. That's beautiful. 1577 01:31:58,513 --> 01:32:00,182 We figured you'd be up in a minute. 1578 01:32:00,182 --> 01:32:02,484 You were singing "My Way" In your sleep. 1579 01:32:02,484 --> 01:32:06,488 You are so funny. You're as funny in a coma as you are on TV. 1580 01:32:06,488 --> 01:32:09,758 I can't believe I'm alive. One more. 1581 01:32:09,758 --> 01:32:12,694 You get it? Okay, you have a visitor outside. 1582 01:32:12,694 --> 01:32:15,497 I'm gonna get your dinner, and I'll be back in a minute, okay? 1583 01:32:15,497 --> 01:32:18,400 Okay. Bye. Yeah? 1584 01:32:18,400 --> 01:32:22,371 Okay, bye-bye. Bye. 1585 01:32:22,371 --> 01:32:26,275 Please don't upset him. I'm not gonna do anything to upset him. 1586 01:32:26,275 --> 01:32:28,877 You're in big trouble, mister. 1587 01:32:28,877 --> 01:32:31,446 No. Oh, god. Yup. 1588 01:32:31,446 --> 01:32:33,715 You're gonna have to pay for it. I told them, officer. 1589 01:32:33,715 --> 01:32:38,520 I said it was a stupid idea right from the start, but nobody listened to me. 1590 01:32:38,520 --> 01:32:41,857 That's good. Remorse. Nice candy. 1591 01:32:41,857 --> 01:32:46,295 'Cause, for starters, we're looking at three big ones. 1592 01:32:46,295 --> 01:32:49,197 Oh, god! Three big-- Three years? 1593 01:32:49,197 --> 01:32:52,000 Three hundred dollars. 1594 01:32:52,000 --> 01:32:54,169 What? 1595 01:32:54,169 --> 01:32:55,971 For the windshield. 1596 01:32:55,971 --> 01:33:01,543 Plus, there's this little baby right here. 1597 01:33:01,543 --> 01:33:06,348 You'll have to put that together with Scotch Tape, but it still counts. 1598 01:33:06,348 --> 01:33:08,984 This-- This is a ticket. Yeah. 1599 01:33:08,984 --> 01:33:13,755 For operating a class-two vehicle without a license. Weight class two. 1600 01:33:13,755 --> 01:33:17,259 Officer, can't this wait? Mr. Richards is suffering from a mild concussion. 1601 01:33:17,259 --> 01:33:20,362 We're talking. It's not even filled out. There's nothin' on it. 1602 01:33:20,362 --> 01:33:23,298 My pen ran out of ink. 1603 01:33:23,298 --> 01:33:25,300 Officer, I really must insist. 1604 01:33:25,300 --> 01:33:29,371 From doing paperwork all night, between you and saving your boss' ass. 1605 01:33:29,371 --> 01:33:32,174 My boss? Dick Simmons. 1606 01:33:32,174 --> 01:33:35,544 He's right down the hall here. Wh-why is he here? 1607 01:33:35,544 --> 01:33:37,846 Some thug broke into his house. 1608 01:33:37,846 --> 01:33:40,582 And broke both his legs with a baseball bat. Officer, please. 1609 01:33:40,582 --> 01:33:43,685 Boom. Was it-- Was it Dale the thug? 1610 01:33:43,685 --> 01:33:46,555 Well, I don't know. Some jerk with a plaid shirt. 1611 01:33:46,555 --> 01:33:49,391 But don't worry. ( imitating gunfire ) 1612 01:33:49,391 --> 01:33:51,426 I killed him. 1613 01:33:51,426 --> 01:33:54,496 Oh, jeez, that's just-- 1614 01:33:54,496 --> 01:33:57,032 Come on. Thank you. ( crowd clamoring ) 1615 01:33:57,032 --> 01:33:58,700 Back, back, back, back! 1616 01:33:58,700 --> 01:34:02,204 Scoot! Scoot! Yes! 1617 01:34:02,204 --> 01:34:05,607 ( stifled chuckling ): I can't stand it. Yes! 1618 01:34:29,197 --> 01:34:31,066 ( loud clattering ) 1619 01:34:31,066 --> 01:34:33,068 What? 1620 01:34:33,068 --> 01:34:36,438 ( blubbering ) 1621 01:34:36,438 --> 01:34:38,340 Dick, I'm back. 1622 01:34:38,340 --> 01:34:41,209 This is the lightning round. I'm calling the shots now. 1623 01:34:41,209 --> 01:34:44,446 Quiet, I'm trying to ski. Look, I got your money. 1624 01:34:44,446 --> 01:34:47,382 I'm gonna give it back, but I need the ticket. Where's the ticket? 1625 01:34:47,382 --> 01:34:49,184 It's my show-- 1626 01:34:49,184 --> 01:34:53,055 Okay, this is the plan. I'm docking you for being an asshole. 1627 01:34:53,055 --> 01:34:56,058 And I'm docking Gig for having people killed. 1628 01:34:56,058 --> 01:34:59,227 And I'm docking Crystal for being a twisted, psycho bitch! 1629 01:34:59,227 --> 01:35:02,230 Starting today, I decide where the money goes. 1630 01:35:02,230 --> 01:35:06,468 If anyone doesn't like it, we're all going to jail. ( blubbering ) 1631 01:35:06,468 --> 01:35:08,503 ( gasps ) Give me that ticket. 1632 01:35:08,503 --> 01:35:11,706 Where is it? Where is the ticket? 1633 01:35:11,706 --> 01:35:14,743 I-- I gave it to Larry King. 1634 01:35:17,579 --> 01:35:20,715 Uh, no-- 1635 01:35:20,715 --> 01:35:22,751 Don't you care to share your toys? 1636 01:35:39,801 --> 01:35:41,603 DAN: The search is over. 1637 01:35:41,603 --> 01:35:45,774 The winner of last month's $6.4 million lottery jackpot... 1638 01:35:45,774 --> 01:35:47,943 has finally stepped forward. 1639 01:35:47,943 --> 01:35:52,481 She's a waitress at a local Denny's right here in Harrisburg. 1640 01:35:52,481 --> 01:35:56,751 Pennsylvania's newest multimillionaire is Wendy Fawcett. 1641 01:35:56,751 --> 01:36:00,655 Thank you so much! I don't know what to say. 1642 01:36:00,655 --> 01:36:03,458 I've never won anything before in my life. 1643 01:36:03,458 --> 01:36:05,760 WOMAN: Wendy, what are you gonna do with the money? 1644 01:36:05,760 --> 01:36:10,132 I'm going to put some of it in savings and some of it in checking. 1645 01:36:10,132 --> 01:36:13,935 And the rest I'll be sharing with a good friend. 1646 01:36:13,935 --> 01:36:19,508 And who's that? I'm not telling you! ( cackling ) 1647 01:36:19,508 --> 01:36:22,944 And we're giving a lot of it away to the Big Brothers, 1648 01:36:22,944 --> 01:36:26,181 the Sunshiny Day Club, Asthma-- 1649 01:36:26,181 --> 01:36:29,184 MAN: Do you have asthma? No. 1650 01:36:29,184 --> 01:36:32,487 But many people out there do. 1651 01:36:32,487 --> 01:36:35,190 Wendy, how did you pick the numbers you played? 1652 01:36:35,190 --> 01:36:36,424 How did I what? 1653 01:36:36,424 --> 01:36:39,027 How did you choose the winning numbers? 1654 01:36:39,027 --> 01:36:41,763 Oh, I get what you're saying. 1655 01:36:41,763 --> 01:36:46,334 I-- Okay, I get it, I get it! Um, wow. 1656 01:36:46,334 --> 01:36:47,936 Uh, let's see, uh, 1657 01:36:47,936 --> 01:36:52,140 seventy-- seventy is because... 1658 01:36:52,140 --> 01:36:55,510 a cheeseburger deluxe with bacon... 1659 01:36:55,510 --> 01:36:58,780 is 70 cents extra. 1660 01:36:58,780 --> 01:37:01,216 And, um, 16-- 1661 01:37:01,216 --> 01:37:05,287 when I was 16, I went to a party. 1662 01:37:05,287 --> 01:37:08,290 And, uh, nine-- 1663 01:37:08,290 --> 01:37:11,893 well, nine, we all know, is just lucky. 1664 01:37:15,830 --> 01:37:18,033 Oh, man. And, um, 1665 01:37:18,033 --> 01:37:21,636 seven is-- I have seven Barbies, 1666 01:37:21,636 --> 01:37:24,806 not including the ones that got their face chewed off... 1667 01:37:24,806 --> 01:37:30,679 by the next door neighbor's dog, who's just such a great dog. 1668 01:37:30,679 --> 01:37:33,915 RUSS ( narrating ): So there you have it-- a story to tell your grandchildren. 1669 01:37:33,915 --> 01:37:36,117 Well, maybe not. 1670 01:37:36,117 --> 01:37:38,620 Dick Simmons was fired from WTPA... 1671 01:37:38,620 --> 01:37:42,557 after calling the head of the network "the luckiest asshole on the planet." 1672 01:37:42,557 --> 01:37:46,161 He now teaches communications at Pocono Community College. 1673 01:37:46,161 --> 01:37:50,098 Ethics. 1674 01:37:50,098 --> 01:37:54,302 Crystal married and divorced a sickly 80-year-old millionaire... 1675 01:37:54,302 --> 01:37:56,304 and sued him for half his money. 1676 01:37:56,304 --> 01:37:58,807 She testified he was a svengali, 1677 01:37:58,807 --> 01:38:03,078 a word she mispronounced throughout the trial. 1678 01:38:03,078 --> 01:38:06,948 He was like-- like this "Svenjelly." 1679 01:38:06,948 --> 01:38:08,750 RUSS: She lost the case. 1680 01:38:08,750 --> 01:38:10,852 ♪ You're making My dreams come true ♪ Ten. 1681 01:38:10,852 --> 01:38:13,822 She now works at Gig's five nights a week. Seventy-eight! 1682 01:38:13,822 --> 01:38:17,025 No cover charge, free buffalo wings with coupon. 1683 01:38:17,025 --> 01:38:22,831 Thirty-nine! Gig bought an obscure stock called Microsoft in 1990. 1684 01:38:22,831 --> 01:38:27,035 He now divides his time between Harrisburg and his estate in Monaco. 1685 01:38:27,035 --> 01:38:29,537 ♪ Listen to this ♪ 1686 01:38:29,537 --> 01:38:32,674 ♪ I've done All my daydreamin' ♪ 1687 01:38:32,674 --> 01:38:34,809 ♪ Oh, that sleep walk Should be over by now ♪ 1688 01:38:34,809 --> 01:38:38,179 As for me, I moved to St. Augustine, Florida, 1689 01:38:38,179 --> 01:38:40,215 where it hasn't snowed in 50 years. 1690 01:38:40,215 --> 01:38:42,584 ( engine starts ) And you know what? 1691 01:38:42,584 --> 01:38:45,320 I auditioned, and I was back on TV. 1692 01:38:45,320 --> 01:38:48,523 MALE ANNOUNCER: And now, it's time to play North Florida Cable's... 1693 01:38:48,523 --> 01:38:51,459 second-most popular game show, Lucky Numbers, 1694 01:38:51,459 --> 01:38:54,162 with your host, Russ Richards. 1695 01:38:54,162 --> 01:38:55,997 Hey! How are ya? ( audience cheering ) 1696 01:38:55,997 --> 01:38:59,000 Thank you. Thank you so much. 1697 01:38:59,000 --> 01:39:02,470 Hey. What a great-looking audience. 1698 01:39:02,470 --> 01:39:04,606 My goodness, I'd love to take you home with me tonight. 1699 01:39:04,606 --> 01:39:07,709 How 'bout it? Tonight, after the show? 1700 01:39:07,709 --> 01:39:10,245 Dinner for 250? Okay. 1701 01:39:10,245 --> 01:39:13,481 I'll make the margaritas. All right now. 1702 01:39:13,481 --> 01:39:16,484 ( narrating ): You know, sometimes I walk past an appliance store... 1703 01:39:16,484 --> 01:39:20,922 and there are 45 TV sets in the window, and I'm on every one of 'em. 1704 01:39:20,922 --> 01:39:24,225 At times like that, I say to myself, "Why me?" 1705 01:39:24,225 --> 01:39:26,828 I mean, "Why me?" 1706 01:39:26,828 --> 01:39:29,698 If I had to answer the question, I'd have to say, "Just lucky." 1707 01:39:29,698 --> 01:39:35,337 ♪ You're making my dreams Come true, doo-ooh, doo-doo Doo-doo, doo-doo ♪♪ 1708 01:39:38,340 --> 01:39:40,508 ( rock music playing ) 1709 01:39:56,925 --> 01:39:59,361 ♪ Nights were warm ♪ 1710 01:39:59,361 --> 01:40:01,596 ♪ Dreams were easy ♪ 1711 01:40:01,596 --> 01:40:04,232 ♪ No one standin' ♪ 1712 01:40:04,232 --> 01:40:06,501 ♪ Overhead ♪ 1713 01:40:06,501 --> 01:40:09,237 ♪ Conversation ♪ 1714 01:40:09,237 --> 01:40:11,172 ♪ Didn't mean much ♪ 1715 01:40:11,172 --> 01:40:16,378 ♪ We were hungry But we could not be fed ♪ 1716 01:40:16,378 --> 01:40:18,613 ♪ Radio blastin' ♪ 1717 01:40:18,613 --> 01:40:21,583 ♪ Silly little love songs ♪ 1718 01:40:21,583 --> 01:40:26,087 ♪ We only listened For the beat ♪ 1719 01:40:26,087 --> 01:40:28,523 ♪ Takin' our chances ♪ 1720 01:40:28,523 --> 01:40:31,526 ♪ Out there On the mean streets ♪ 1721 01:40:31,526 --> 01:40:34,662 ♪ Hiding in the shadows From the heat ♪ 1722 01:40:38,099 --> 01:40:40,168 ♪ From the heat ♪ 1723 01:40:42,937 --> 01:40:45,273 ♪ We weren't lovers ♪ 1724 01:40:45,273 --> 01:40:47,609 ♪ Just brave strangers ♪ 1725 01:40:47,609 --> 01:40:52,480 ♪ As we fought and we tumbled Through the night ♪ 1726 01:40:52,480 --> 01:40:54,916 ♪ We were players ♪ 1727 01:40:54,916 --> 01:40:57,118 ♪ Not arrangers ♪ 1728 01:40:57,118 --> 01:41:01,856 ♪ And we jammed Till the dawn's early light ♪ 1729 01:41:01,856 --> 01:41:04,592 ♪ Swimming in the big lake ♪ 1730 01:41:04,592 --> 01:41:07,595 ♪ Taking it easy ♪ 1731 01:41:07,595 --> 01:41:11,733 ♪ Taking any comfort We could find ♪ 1732 01:41:11,733 --> 01:41:14,269 ♪ Didn't need the real truth ♪ 1733 01:41:14,269 --> 01:41:17,071 ♪ Didn't need the meaning ♪ 1734 01:41:17,071 --> 01:41:21,609 ♪ Straight ahead Ignoring every sign ♪ 1735 01:41:23,945 --> 01:41:25,814 ♪ Every sign ♪ 1736 01:41:30,552 --> 01:41:32,787 ♪ And, oh, I remember ♪ 1737 01:41:35,323 --> 01:41:37,759 ♪ I know you do too ♪ 1738 01:41:40,328 --> 01:41:42,764 ♪ Oh, that one evening ♪ 1739 01:41:45,066 --> 01:41:50,371 ♪ I know you do too ♪ 1740 01:41:56,244 --> 01:41:58,012 ♪ The moon flyin' high ♪ 1741 01:41:58,012 --> 01:42:01,616 CHORUS: ♪ The moon flyin' high ♪ 1742 01:42:01,616 --> 01:42:05,653 ♪ And you took my hand ♪ ♪ Ooh ♪ 1743 01:42:05,653 --> 01:42:09,290 ♪ Ooh-ooh ♪ 1744 01:42:09,290 --> 01:42:13,528 ♪ You took my hand ♪ 1745 01:42:13,528 --> 01:42:16,931 ♪ Ooh-ooh ♪ 1746 01:42:16,931 --> 01:42:20,001 ♪ And it went all right ♪ 1747 01:42:21,202 --> 01:42:25,139 ♪ It went all right ♪ 1748 01:42:25,139 --> 01:42:28,810 ♪ It went all right ♪ 1749 01:42:28,810 --> 01:42:32,881 ♪ It went all right ♪ 1750 01:42:38,186 --> 01:42:40,054 ♪ Oh ♪ 1751 01:42:42,790 --> 01:42:45,527 ♪ So we walked out ♪ 1752 01:42:45,527 --> 01:42:47,829 ♪ Hardly speaking ♪ 1753 01:42:47,829 --> 01:42:50,331 ♪ Disappearing ♪ 1754 01:42:50,331 --> 01:42:52,867 ♪ In the night ♪ 1755 01:42:52,867 --> 01:42:54,736 ♪ Saw each other ♪ 1756 01:42:54,736 --> 01:42:57,338 ♪ A few times after ♪ 1757 01:42:57,338 --> 01:43:01,042 ♪ But we never Really got it right ♪ 1758 01:43:02,410 --> 01:43:04,746 ♪ We weren't lovers ♪ 1759 01:43:04,746 --> 01:43:07,382 ♪ Just brave strangers ♪ 1760 01:43:07,382 --> 01:43:10,985 ♪ As we rolled and we tumbled Through the night ♪ 1761 01:43:11,986 --> 01:43:14,589 ♪ We were players ♪ 1762 01:43:14,589 --> 01:43:17,058 ♪ Not arrangers ♪ 1763 01:43:17,058 --> 01:43:20,962 ♪ And we jammed Till the dawn's early light ♪ 1764 01:43:22,564 --> 01:43:25,833 ♪ Just brave strangers ♪ ♪ Early light ♪ 1765 01:43:27,402 --> 01:43:31,973 ♪ Just brave strangers ♪ ♪ Whoa-oh ♪ 1766 01:43:33,908 --> 01:43:36,644 ♪ Whoa-oh ♪ 1767 01:43:38,713 --> 01:43:41,149 ♪ Whoa-oh ♪ 1768 01:43:41,149 --> 01:43:43,384 ♪ Whoa-oh-oh ♪ 1769 01:43:43,384 --> 01:43:47,822 ♪ Whoa-oh ♪ 1770 01:43:47,822 --> 01:43:49,891 ♪ Yeah ♪♪ 1771 01:43:53,161 --> 01:44:05,406 ♪♪♪ 1772 01:44:05,406 --> 01:44:08,076 ♪ I can't wait To go to heaven ♪ 1773 01:44:08,076 --> 01:44:11,613 ♪ Before I get my big reward ♪ 1774 01:44:11,613 --> 01:44:13,781 ♪ If I'm good I could ♪ 1775 01:44:13,781 --> 01:44:20,154 ♪ That's what they tell me I've been workin' for ♪ 1776 01:44:20,154 --> 01:44:22,924 ♪ When I prove That I can do it ♪ 1777 01:44:22,924 --> 01:44:26,127 ♪ That's when I'll get My big reward ♪ 1778 01:44:26,127 --> 01:44:28,997 ♪ Keep that big wheel turnin' ♪ 1779 01:44:28,997 --> 01:44:33,201 ♪ And my number Will come up for sure ♪ 1780 01:44:33,201 --> 01:44:36,070 ♪ I'm gonna get My big reward ♪ 1781 01:44:36,070 --> 01:44:38,906 ♪ Wanna get my big reward ♪ 1782 01:44:38,906 --> 01:44:42,243 ♪ Wanna have it all sewn up ♪ 1783 01:44:42,243 --> 01:44:45,113 ♪ Before I'm all grown up ♪ 1784 01:44:45,113 --> 01:44:47,982 ♪ Gonna get my big reward ♪ 1785 01:44:47,982 --> 01:44:51,019 ♪ Gonna get my big reward ♪ 1786 01:44:51,019 --> 01:44:54,589 ♪ Gonna get my big reward ♪ 1787 01:44:54,589 --> 01:44:56,658 ♪ Right now ♪ 1788 01:44:58,259 --> 01:45:00,995 ♪ Never mind The odds against us ♪ 1789 01:45:00,995 --> 01:45:04,232 ♪ I won't give up My big reward ♪ 1790 01:45:04,232 --> 01:45:07,068 ♪ We have to take our chances ♪ 1791 01:45:07,068 --> 01:45:11,706 ♪ We got a plan And we can make a score ♪ 1792 01:45:11,706 --> 01:45:14,642 ♪ I'm gonna get my big reward ♪ 1793 01:45:14,642 --> 01:45:17,345 ♪ Wanna get my big reward ♪ 1794 01:45:17,345 --> 01:45:20,815 ♪ Wanna have it all sewn up ♪ 1795 01:45:20,815 --> 01:45:23,217 ♪ Before I'm all grown up ♪ 1796 01:45:23,217 --> 01:45:26,220 ♪ Gonna get my big reward ♪ 1797 01:45:26,220 --> 01:45:30,058 ♪ Gonna get my big reward ♪ 1798 01:45:30,058 --> 01:45:32,293 ♪ Right now ♪♪